Jinxed Swords Spook Drona Cast

Strange things seem to be happening on the sets of Goldie Behl’s latest miscarriage, Drona. As if seeing Abhishek Bachchan dressed in gold wasn’t terrifying enough, the two titanium swords that were made for the movie appear to be jinxed! Whenever the two swords are separated, some bizarre phenomenon like hail in the Thar Desert or a thunderstorm in the otherwise dry Bikaner occur. And finally, after there was an explosion on a flatbed rail car, Goldie has decided never to separate the two swords again.

It’s funny how people interpret events like these. I really doubt the two swords have anything to do with it. I think two things are at the heart of these uncanny scenes. One, that after the Unforgettables tour, Abhishek is missing a soul and two, that the elements are conspiring to stop Goldie’s gunshot wound in the stomach-of-a-script from being turned into a movie. So you can join those two swords and pretend they’re your old G.I.Joe and Cobra action figures till the cows come home Goldie, this is not going to go away.

For all you know, all this crap about hail and thunderstorms may well be fake. I know this movie needs some USP but aim a little higher there champ. Nobody cares that one of your flatbeds blew up. Some dumbass in the tech department you rounded up from under the bridge at the end of Mahim Causeway probably messed up. What the f**k does a sword have to do with it!?

Deepika Turns Chinese

From which angle does Deepika Padukone look Chinese? This and many other questions about her Baghdad street-theatre style acting should have crossed Nikhil Advani’s mind before he cast her for his next movie Chandni Chowk To China. But as always, he ignored these glaring instances of inauthenticity and went ahead with it anyway. When it was time to shoot, make-up artists brainstormed and came up with a suggestion which will go down as one of the worst ideas since American Pie. They asked to tape the sides of her eyes for every 12-hour shoot so she’d look Chinese!

Luckily, Deepika didn’t agree like most other dimwit newbies would have, but instead consulted her doctor about it. He told her not to go through with it unless she wanted to permanently look Chinese. Knowing that looks are pretty much all she has right now, she decided against it. They finally just used make-up to make her eyes look slanted. This bonanza of bad choices comes full circle with the fact that Deepika is playing two characters in the movie; another double role. Fantastic.

Rock On!! - Review

The Movie is about a band called Magik

Which had a fallout, which was tragic

10 years down the line, they meet

To create music, which was neat!

The latest movie to be produced by Farhan Akhtar, Rock On, which finds him in an actor’s shoes, released today! The movie preaches the fact that it’s never too late to realize your dreams, to do what you really want to do in life, even if you think it’s too late. The story goes along a very familiar Dil Chahta Hai plot line of few friends having a fallout and then meeting again after years, burying the hatchet and moving on. The music is really catchy with some of the most interesting lyrics that I’ve heard in a long time. Hats off to Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy for intelligently using a small background score from ‘Lakshya’ in the title song of Rock On, trust me it’s interesting when you realize that!

It has been said for a few years that Farhan Akhtar came into the film industry to become an actor, but started instead with making movies. Though this movie looks more like a playback singing debut for Farhan, his acting skills just prove that he is better behind the camera. Prachi Desai (who looks cute in the movie) plays Farhan’s wife in the film, who is distraught with his work-oriented-mechanical lifestyle and wants to see him happy with her.

Kolkata Knight Rider’s supporter and Shahrukh Khan’s sidekick Arjun Rampal plays the lead guitarist in the band, whose fight with Farhan leads to the fallout. Purab Kohli and Luke Kenny play the drums and keyboards respectively and also act as the glue which keeps the group alive. Other performances include Shahana Goswami, who plays Debby, Arjun’s wife, who is trying to make a living out of Arjun’s family business and looking for better opportunities for him and herself. There are no striking performances which kind of works for the film as it’s not like a typical Hindi film to have a couple in the lead.

The movie goes on with very little spontaneous comedy found in a lot of films including Dil Chahta Hai. The second half of the film is much better than the first, which is too heavy and can cause acidity to many! The story becomes very predictable towards the end but is enjoyable. On the whole it’s an average movie with excellent music and decent performances. The best part about the movie is that it ends in the cinema hall and you don’t need to think about it afterwards.

Go watch it!

Emraan, Mohit, Adhyayan walk into a strip club and…

What happens when three Indian monkeys go to South Africa and get into exploration mode? They stumble upon a strip club, where they see women with spike heels and nipple tassles grooving to some equally raunchy music. This gets them scared and red and they run away to a more sober discotheque. The monkeys in question here are also the ones behind the sequel to Raaz.

Director Mohit Suri, Emran Kiss-me and the new Suman in town were shooting in Capetown, South Africa when Kiss-me got the idea to check out the strip club right next to the hotel they were put up in. None of the three had been to one before and this got them pretty excited. Now Indians that they really are beneath all the kissing around, they got pretty embarrased by what they witnessed. Hell what were you expecting guys? Middle aged women breast-feeding babies? They ended up going to some randomly regular discotheque and reported to the shoot next morning at 7 looking like three quarters full of rum.

Aishwariya’s Anonymous

Great minds think alike. Since Bollywood has no such minds, we usually observe the other end of the continuum; a**holes with no work think alike. And the two men who join the list of deadly twosomes are none other than Sallu and Abhishek.

As it turns out, they have more in common than just a mark on the wall for scoring with Aishwariya. Apparently Sallu spent a whole half-hour in Abhishek’s vanity van at Mehboob Studios the other day. God only knows what went down in there. Rumour has it that they played a game of Cluedo in which Sallu kept coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t Colonel Mustard but in fact Vivek Oberoi who was the murderer.

When it was time for Sallu to leave, Abhishek dropped him back to his sets before returning to his van. I wonder what Ash will have to say about this sudden bonding. I’m sure this sort of thing must disturb her at some level. If Sallu just loosens his pantyhose a little and accepts Vivek’s apology, they’ll have their own inner circle of trust. Aishwariya’s Anonymous. Doesn’t sound too promising does it Ash?

Riya’s gain

Riya Sen has put on weight. 4kgs of it. And this is making everyone sit up and pay attention. The light, scientists reckon, will bend a little more around her curvy waist, now giving her a planetary glow which will be visible from galaxies far far away. The scientists also believe this might somehow interest the aliens as well and they might have a 4kg of a bigger reason now to come to our land and witness this emerging “bengali hole”, making this otherwise personal act a real giant leap for mankind.

The only truthful point in the above tale which was meant to be a synopsis for SRK’s Special Effects Flick endeavor is that, Riya Sen has gained weight, and with everyone speculating, it has been revealed that she’s playing a fearless and pregnant Bengali bahu in Rituparna Ghosh’s new movie. We thank the universe that there still lives one director here who does not want his heroines to look like billboard advertisements even while they are playing pregnant characters. I have to admit all this extra weight has really added to her curves and as they say, ‘Hips don’t lie’!

The Bigg B’s back

Hello, and welcome back to the Bigg Boss updates!

Quite the boisterous lot we have this season on Bigg Boss, don’t you think?

The tension is building up as all the friendly smiles turn plastic and the competitive spirit creeps in.

To give you a quick update on what happened last, the inmates woke up to ‘Madhuban Mein Jo Kanhaiya kisi Gopi se mile’ and since all the gopiyas, as per the task, had to dance at the very sound of music, they woke up dancing. Further, Ehsaan narrates his love story and Rahul takes Personality Development Counselling from Debojit to which the latter’s expert advice was, ‘Be yourself’.

The inmates were then given flowers with which they had to make 10-foot garlanads and decorate the house for the evening’s Dahi Handi celebration. The boys and girls had each hidden Dahi Handis which the other party had to look for. The boys found the girls’ Handi but the girls failed to find the boys’ (The girls had hidden the handi under the bed – how creative).

Suddenly the girls have started sucking-up to each other. Payal tells Sambhavana that she really likes her and that she thinks the former’s a really nice girl. On hearing this, Sambhavana gets all emo and thanks her for being the first woman who’s accepted her- talk about no sense of self!

Then, Sambhavana and Monica talk about rescuing Alina from her insecurities about being the only ‘commoner’ or non-celebrity in the house because apparently she’s feeling bad about it.

Uh, doesn’t being on B.B automatically make you a celebrity? Between Ketki and Sambhavana you feel like the lesser celebrity? That’s speaking volumes for yourself.

I almost forgot! Happy birthday Zulfi! I hope the housemates can cook better than they act.

To add to the drama, Rakhi is up to no good because apparently she’s going about doing a lot of idhar ka udhar with the inmates and Payal, or should I say Radha, doesn’t like this one bit. She even got into a little tiff with her Kanhaiya, Rahul and warned him against her (hmm… do I smell a spark?) Along with Payal and Rahul, Monica has also been a victim of Rakhi’s wrath.

Although, now that Rahul and Rakhi are nominated, Rakhi’s put on a sugar coat for the moment although Rahul’s pretending to be smarter than that. He says all’s fair in the game.

On the brighter side, Rakhi’s got another warning because she and Monica have been putting off their mics to converse with each other and with some of the other house mates. The Bigg B is very angry and has warned them that if they break any more rules, Monica will be asked to leave and Rakhi will be nominated off the show.

Any bets on who’s getting out this week?

Tahaan: Preview

It’s quite clear, Bollywood is changing and not a minute too soon. I have always felt that the same ol’ song and dance routine will not sustain for a long time. I mean, yeah I enjoy an occasional cheesy movie from the 70’s or 80’s but there’s only so much bright candy-floss shiny happy movies one can handle.

There is a lot of issue based sensible cinema happening in India. It’s not like the old art films which only a select few would watch and fewer still would understand. It’s intelligent, yet it’s mainstream. One such breath of fresh air is Tahaan.

Tahaan tells us the tale of an eight-year-old boy of the same name. It tells us about his woes, his aspirations, his little dreams and his donkey, Birbal. All this set in the backdrop of terrorism addled Kashmir.

The protagonist is played by a young newcomer, Purav Bhandare. Anupam Kher, Victor Banerjee, Sarika, Rahul Khanna and Rahul Bose play key roles in the movie. It’s directed by none other than ace cinematographer, Santosh Sivan. Whoa! That is one hell load of talent packed in one movie.

Tahaan is bound to stand out from the normal fare. Kudos to the makers for daring to make a different kind of movie. The Indian film fraternity is in desperate need of such attempts to prove that it can make much more than big budget candy-floss. Watch it when it releases on September 5th!

Lara writes her own destiny

Don’t look now movie-goers, but Lara Dutta is writing her own script! She’s already written most of it and claims that the next draft will be the final one. The reason for doing something as potentially devastating as this is because the female characters in the scripts she’s being offered lack depth. She on the other hand, is just an ocean of knowledge and sensitivity.

She goes on to say that Bollywood scripts always glorify the hero while the heroine just prances around and falls in love with him. Her script will be different. It will have a female lead character that’s not an in-your-face feminist but just someone who shares equal space with the male lead.

Given our pool of talent, that’s a nightmare. Imagine Shah Rukh and Priyanka Chopra acting in this sort of film. Shah Rukh with his awful attempts to deliver an emotional scene and Priyanka with… well… she’s just terrible.

So… hint hint Lara, there’s a reason why mainstream movies are written a certain way. The Barbie and Ken dolls we have for actors are already biting off more than they can chew with bad movies. If you throw them a whole steak, they’re going to choke on it. Asphyxiate. Die. Is that what you want?

That said, I find this sudden need to assert your femininity pretty odd Ms. Dutta. Why did you sign up for the Miss Universe Pageant then? To highlight your mini-golf windmill shot? You just stood there in a bikini and asked for world peace or football stadiums or something. If you’re looking for cliches to change, how about that one? And here your whining about movies…!

Tahaan music release

Beware Darsheel Safary… you have been warned! Purav Bhandare is the newest child actor on the block and he’s here to give you a run for your money. Last night’s music launch of Tahaan saw Purav decked out in his finest along with the rest of the cast. I’m guessing that by now you have all seen the music promos running on Channel [V] and are well aware that Adnan Sami has been part of Tahaan’s sound track. Jhoom Jhoom the film’s title track has been dominating the airwaves and stuck in my head for days. I’m glad it’s not part of a mainstream Bollywood film (I’m really beginning to tire of Himmesh’s nasal voice). Another one to listen for on this soundtrack is Sumeida. Quite a looker with the voice of an angel. Well the music is now finally out in stores…

Other cast members present at the launch were Rahul Bose and Sarika, who looked like she’d just returned from trekking in the Himalayas. I’m highly dissappointed with Sarika’s dressing style, what a waste of beauty. Woman it was a music launch! Even Purav wore a tie and waistcoat. Let’s hope she makes a better effort for the premiere… Santosh Sivan (director), Taufique Qureshi (lyricist), Mubina Rattonsey (producer), Adnan Sami and Sumeida were also present.

Despite other bekaar people turning up at Cinemax for other movies they were lucky enough to attract the shutter bugs hence although it might appear that Vikram Bhatt and Apoorva Agnihotri attended the movie launch the losers were probably at Cinemax to catch the late night show of Maan Gaye Mughal-e-Azam.

Highlight of the evening would have to be Purav’s interview and the live performance of local band Kvanaa.

Lara’s drift

Lara Dutta’s running on a real fast lane these days. Looks like Kelly Dorji really had some chains on her for the nine years that they were together. She has been trying her hand at all the things she thinks she’s been missing out on. First up there is Sudhir Mishra’s modernized adaptation of Devdas, where she plays a modern Paro. This role she says will completely change her image… I think it’s becoming a norm for all the glitzy actresses to try their hands at working with off-beat directors to get an i-can-act-tag. Then there is Billoo Barber, where in her own words, Priyadarshan has made her go through more firsts than she has had in her entire life.

Now the new one to the list is Blue. Blue is a complete action flick, with Akshay Kumar and Zayed Khan. With the real death-defying, breathtaking action sequences we witnessed in Singh is Kinng, I m sure this one will show them smooching on the moon. Lara says she’s overcome Hydrophobia (fear of wearing bathing suits is it?). She’s scuba diving with sharks and balancing on the noses of two dolphins. For real? Remains to be seen - for all we know she could be caressing Flounders underwater while some geeks sitting on computers are getting their eyeballs red trying to replace them with sharks and dolphins!

Another one to conquer all the phobias for Blue is Zayed Khan who has already gotten himself stitches on his forehead by misjudging a move and falling on the windscreen of a car! You can now officially collect your red and white bravery award Zayed!! Sanjay Dutt, who has had a life full of mishaps was quick to scream at Zayed for such childish moves. With so much drama unfolding behind the scenes, the director should really contemplate a documentary on the making of this movie itself!

The Kapoor Revival

Raj Kapoor must be turning over in his grave. The reason is none other than his grandson’s plans. After Saawariya and Bachna Ae Haseeno, the latest horror we have to put up with is the probability of Ranbir directing and acting in a film. He plans to revive Raj Kapoor’s company and promises to bring “a smile to a face, a tear to the eye” with his obscene vision. Anyone with half a brain will have a tear in his eye watching this open casket funeral of an idea unfold into cinema.

As if patronising gramps wasn’t enough, Ranbir also claims that comparisons with his dad are unavoidable, since he’s his favourite actor. So some similarities are bound to be there. But there’s one difference that only a true artist like Ranbir could point out. They don’t dance the same. There you have it. And with that, I can only hope this Archie’s card family-moment that Ranbir seems to be experiencing comes to an end. The next in line is Neetu Singh. That won’t be pretty.

Meanwhile, his acting career seems to taking off. He’s just signed Ayaan Mukherjee’s Wake Up Sid in which he will be acting across Konkana Sen. With a number of other films in his kitty and his big plans of restoring Raj Kapoor style cinema, there seems to be no escaping this Kapoor kid.

Bigg Boss Asylum

Another day, another Bigg Boss episode.

Day 9 of Bigg Boss brought with it yet another reason for us to classify Indian show-makers and celebrities as bird-brained.

The task given to them was a Janamashtmi task. The girls had to pick their Krishna through secret ballot and the chosen Krishna would then have to pick his Radha. The rest would remain his Gopiyas. Once done, they would all be handed costumes which they would have to wear till Wednesday. Now whenever music starts to play, the gopiyas will have to perform for their Lord Krishna, or in this case, Rahul Mahajan and his Radha, Payal.

This week the two nominated for eviction are Rahul and Rakhi. This comes as a huge surprise since everyone thought that the reticent Raja would be the next to go.

In other news, both Ashutosh and Sambhavana have been on edge about something or the other. Sambhavana’s been the butt of every joke and it turns out that everyone’s scheming against her. Turns out all the inmates think that she’s just like all the ‘other item girls.’ So much for your lash-out at Rakhi, Sambhavana!

The only difference between is Sambhavana and the other item girls is that the rest of them actually look decent AND they can dance (that includes Rakhi Sawant).

Ashutosh began kicking and biting because there’s been no milk in the house for two days and when it finally arrived, he chugged it straight from the carton which led to a row between him and Rahul.

Sanjay Nirupam decided that if he’s going down, he’s taking everyone down with him.

Just because no one wanted to live with him in the Bigg Boss house, he decided to rat out everyone else, starting with Rahul Mahajan, whom he claims sneaked out of the room at 3 a.m to sleep with the girls which was ‘childish’ (says the politican on a reality show).

Rahul justifies himself by saying that after his divorce, he’s a free man – fair enough (any guesses who’s letting him rock their world?).

Nirupam’s boasting about that fact that Monica Bedi spilled the beans about her and Abu to him and he was very impressed with the fact that she seemed like a sweet and innocent girl rather than a heard-hearted, conniving woman like he expected. How the hell does he know?! Firstly, he’s part of the system and secondly, he barely knew her for a few days!

We all know about his jabs at Sambhavana and he’s judged her on the fact that

“…she cared about her reputation and got hurt at what she thought was a slight to her self respect.”

If someone was paying me to walk around half naked and I did so, confident about my body, and then someone else pointed to my face and said, “Hey, you’re half naked! You look downright ugly!” I probably would get pissed off too!

But then I’d think about it and realise that it’s what I’ve chosen as a profession so I should be proud of it, unlike Sambhavana who’s ashamed of being an item girl and is trying to portray herself in a whole new, non-existing category of ‘classy item girls’… Yeah, right!

Face it girl, you’re just another brick in the wall…

I’ll conclude this little speech by breaking to you that Rahul and Rakhi plan on opening their own production house and just like Ekta Kapoor promotes Tusshar every opportunity she gets, these two will do the same for Payal.

Sheesh! What a bunch of loonies! It shouldn’t be called Bigg Boss ka Ghar, it should be called Bigg Boss ka Pagal Khaana!

India Shining

Last night’s closing ceremony may have signaled the end of the Beijing Olympics, but the past two weeks are still fresh in our minds. Starting with the grand opening ceremony in which our Indian contingent stood out in Sherwanis with the exception of tennis stars Sania Mirza and Sunitha Rao, who were too cool wear saris, so instead trotted around in their trakkies.

We must however admit that India drew a lot more attention this Olympics than it has in the past few ones, with Abhinav Bindra being the first one in our history to get us that elusive individual Gold medal and Vijender Kumar promising us a Gold and eventually coming back with a bronze after a really well fought out match. Not bad at all considering we won a grand total of 3 medals entirely, and who can forget the insanely hilarious Doordarshan bloopers!!

B-town has shown its support to our sportsmen with Bipasha agreeing to go out on a date with Vijender, lucky b*stard!! Almost makes me want to try out for the next Olympics, maybe the discus throw.

The proudest achievement would have to be the Israeli Gymnasts gyrating to Vishal-Shekhar’s Dhoom Tana from Om Shanti Om making a really pretty picture.

Looks like this one will remain etched in the memory for the next four years atleast. Bollywood might even plan some more sloppy movies with a shooter or a boxer as the protagonist trying really hard for a medal, winning it and a sexy looking girl along with it, or on the brighter side it might inspire a few real talents to do something extra ordinary in London four years from now.

RGV chickens out

Ram Gopal Verma has officially hit rock bottom; if such a level actually exists for this clown. Over the last couple of years we’ve seen his work trip and tumble down a downward slope that leads straight into the bowels of the underworld (pun intended). And now, to show the world that nothing is impossible if you try hard enough, he’s outdone his own bad taste and come up with something even worse than the rest of his crap. Phoonk.

The only thing more pathetic than the movie itself is the promotional campaign RGV came up with between ringing his neighbours doorbells and running. He promised 5 lakhs to anyone who could sit through the movie alone in a theatre. As it turns out, when the time came, he tucked his tail between his legs and called it off. The five chosen contestants were asked to book the theatre themselves if they wanted to take part! Fantastic! What can I say? Its shameful, even for a talentless shmuck like you.

Bravo Mr. Verma. I hope that money comes in handy when the audience boycotts your sequel, Phoonk 2. You’re a phoonking joke. Get off the stage while we’re still laughing…

Sonam Refuses To Act!

Looks like Sonam Kapoor hasn’t heard of the phrase, beggars can’t be choosers. She’s refused to sign Vicky Singh’s upcoming movie because she claims the role was not to her liking. Hmm… I’m somehow not convinced. What about the fact that ex-lover and manic fringe curler Ranbir Kapoor has signed onto it? Does that little clause have nothing to do with her possibly fatal decision to refuse work? Well, either way, after the ambush in a dark alley by a hooded slasher-of-a-debut she had with Saawariya, does she really have a right to choose?

This news however, comes as a great relief to me. I know now that I won’t have to suffer through another celluloid nightmare that stars these two opposite each other. Not for some time at least. Ranbir is busy shining Yashji’s shoes while Sonam is working in Rakeysh Mehra’s next movie, Dilli 6.

To add to this great celebration of mediocrity, Rishi Kapoor has gifted his son a Range Rover for his compelling performance in Bachna Ae Haseeno; a movie that we all know, shook the very foundations of powerful cinema with its bone rattling intensity. I don’t want to tell you how to raise your kid Mr. Kapoor, but don’t make a habit out of this; you might not always be around to ruffle your sons hair, shove a lollipop in his mouth, pay for a hooker and take him to Disneyland after every corny Yashraj endeavour.

This is such a turn of events. Sonam refuses to act and Ranbir can’t act…

Bigg Loser

Joy to the world, Nirupam’s gone!

That’s right, Sanjay Nirupam got evicted from Bigg Boss 2 on Friday (finally)!

He deserved it! You can’t participate in a show like Bigg Boss and then act like you’re too cool for school.

All Sanjay did was act crabby and give his two bits to anyone whether they wanted to hear it or not. He didn’t take part in the paper dance because it was ‘undignified’ and then he tells Sambhavana (as if he was her godfather): ‘A woman’s izzat lies in covering up her body. Since item girls have to dance in revealing clothes, why do you do such a job? Indian women are supposed to have a certain amount of shame.’

Then to make things worse, after she got dressed and came into the house (all covered up this time, by the way) he says, ‘My words have brought some change in you. I notice that you have started to wear fully covered clothes now.’

After all the damage is done, once he’s been thrown off the show, he tells Bigg Boss that it wasn’t meant to be a personal comment about Sambhavana - Yeah right! Everybody thinks they can get away with murder if they just apologise after…

Anyway, he seems pretty happy to be off the show and we’re happier to have him off. He claimed that initially when he got there, he missed his work and home very much, but in the past three days he actually started to enjoy himself.

While we’re on the subject of Bigg Boss and politicians, did you hear about Athavale’s men burning effigies of Shilpa Shetty (after destroying the Colors office, that is) because they feel that he was not taken on the show because he’s a ‘Dalit.’ Now, that’s really presumptuous especially in a country like India where we practise positive discrimination. He most definitely owes Shilpa and apology. It most defintely is a crime to burn a beautiful innocent womans effigy.

Looks to me as though someone has a bad case of Iwanttobethatguy. And as far as wanting to be the ‘Bigg Boss of television’ goes, I hate to break it to you Athavle, but you would have been voted out just as soon as Nirupam was because the truth is, you can never be the Bigg Boss of TV with that attitude. You could use your dirty tricks and threaten the channel to make you win but that still wouldn’t make you the Bigg Boss of TV, that’ll just make you a cheater so that means you lose, either way!

Anyway, at the end of the day, I guess I am going to be a little bummed out about Nirupam’s exit because I really enjoyed writing about him!

illegal Dancers

Don’t we all love watching firangis in bikinis dancing next to our Khans and Kapoors, falling all over them making them feel like a million dollars more than they are already worth? Those lovely no ones with nothing on them looking more cheerful gyrating around than the lead actresses sometimes? Over the past few years they have become almost a necessary glamour quotient in the industry (Hell! even Mr. Patriotic Nana Patekar has been seen shaking a leg with them!). Everyone wants them and with the number of them coming to India for curry, elephants, and of course to ‘have fun’, we have plenty to go around. But all this might change soon, courtesy of a certain foundation called “Temple of Human Dignity”.

These guys have been pricked so hard by these women dancing around that they have filed a complaint with the CBI. The problem apparently is that most of these girls are here on tourist visas and do not have any work permits. Moreover they have also been accused of overstaying their limit and indulging in illegal activities.

Mr. Bunty Shrivastav, who heads the temple says he has complained on numerous occasions to various governing bodies but no one there seems to give a damn. The complaint has been forwarded to the Joint Commissioner of Police, Mr. Rakesh Maria, who says he is going to look into the matter and take some serious action.

So if it does happen, it might be good-bye to a lot of eye candy!

Hook, Line and Suman!

Kangana Ranaut’s been bagged! I’d hoped she was then driven to a desolate countryside bridge and dumped into a lake, but the truth is far less comforting. It seems her alleged relationship with Adhyayan Suman (Shekhar Suman’s son) is legitimate and going strong. The two met on the sets of Raaz - The Mystery Continues and hit it off like a house on fire. Kangana credits their deep connection to the fact that she has no other friends in the industry. He on the other hand claims to be “madly in love with her” and truly believes that she feels the same way. Aren’t you kids just the best. Morons.

Now for the main event of the evening. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, the cradle-snatching wonder from Bollywood… Aditya Panscholi! So what does Adhyayan have to say about Kangana’s infamous past with this man? He claims to not care; to be a totally aloof, living in the present sort of guy but I’m sure he’ll be hitting this little snag every now and then. And how does Kangana deal with it exactly? How have her parents dealt with it? It’s easily one of the worst personal decisions since Justin Timberlake attempted to bring sexy back. I’m surprised they haven’t taken her into the barn and put her down.

Well, I guess it just adds to the staggering list of unhealthy relationships that Bollywood boasts. Ex-lovers Harman and Priyanka still seem to be holding out at the top right now (Saif and Kareena come in a close second). Lets hope Kangana and Adhyayan can give them a run for their money and hit a new low!

Phoonk: The Review

In the beginning of the movie I was expecting to go on a total roller coaster ride in the dark! But by the end of it… sheeesh! The first half was quite scary. RGV has done a great job with all the suspense and sound effects in this half. Quite thrilling!

Rajiv who is father of the little girl (Rakhsa) has done a phenomenal job. Actually the entire cast has done well except for this annoying grandma who is always bobbing her head for some reason. It was so funny that the entire theatre was laughing and falling off their seats!

The second half was a deep plunge. After all the hype and thrill that the first half generated, the second half was very very pheeka. It was quite blah! RGV ke Aag was far more scarier than the second half!

Coming out of the movie, there were a couple of things that made me think… is there really a God who fights evil? And can black magic really work and harm you so bad? But then again I’m a believer, not a cynic.

All in all you should watch it once just for the thrill! It’s definitely better than RGV’s earlier attempt at horror, Vastu Shastra which was a whole lot of rubbish! About the challenge RGV gave to the audience - sitting alone for the movie, it seems sooo possible! I guess Ramu is gonna lose a few lakhs there!

I would give it 2 ½ stars out of 5.

Sallu and Kat together again

If you’re one of the millions around the world looking for answers to life, the universe and everything, it’s time you stopped. There aren’t any. If you need a reason, here’s one: Bollywood’s unholy union, Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif will both be playing divine entities in their upcoming movies. Sallu in God Tussi Great Ho and Katrina in Hello; a movie adapted from Chetan Bhagat’s One Night@Call Centre. I think it’s pretty clear now that things just happen. There’s no grand plan behind it.

To make matters worse, the two will be acting together in Hello. Some of us still wake up screaming after watching their obscene lack of screen presence in Partner. Why are they putting us through this again? And that too as divine beings! You a**holes! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard since Cher’s comeback album. I wouldn’t even cast you two clowns in a re-enactment of monkeys figuring out how to use a lighter, forget a commercial movie!

So God, answer this if you really exist. When in f**k’s name are we going to be free of this sort of garbage? Why are you letting this go on? And don’t say something enigmatic like it’s all part of the cycle or it’s a delicate balance. Cut the crap and rent Partner. You’ll see what we mean.

Kangana bends over

Kangana Ranaut bends over. Adhyayan spreads himself wide on the floor. Kangana raises her skinny leg and looks at him. With her chest heaving gently she says, “Your position is wrong, bend a little more.”

Now, if you pictured the two of them in some weird kinky sex position from deep within the Kama Sutra, engulfed in the throes passion and love, you’re a friggin perv.

Bollywood’s newest ‘just friends’ duo, Adhyayan Suman and Kangana Ranaut have been practicing yoga together on the sets of their new flick, Raaz 2. Damn! How bored are they. Before and after the shoot everyday, the lovebirds oops… friends like to spend quality time with each other. They gym together, do yoga together, go for long walks together on the scenic streets of Cape Town, share methods of staying skinny together. Okay! Maybe I made that last bit up but the rest is true.

Now that, at least in my humble opinion is the description of a lovey dovey couple. Even in Mumbai they’re often spotted together gazing into each other’s eyes. So why in Gods name do they deny it. What the hell is up with the ‘just good friends’ cliché. If you say that they want to maintain their image in the industry, think about this. One is a tabloid slut who’s been in more controversies than movies. The other is the son of a fool who is trying to look ‘in’ way past his expiry date. What image do they have anyway?

Lara’s Reality Check

Priyadarshan has made Lara Dutta get really real for her role in Billoo Barber. Lara who thought her Neeta Lulla saris were the perfect attire to essay the role of a ‘very poor village girl’, got first-hand experience of Priyadarshan trying to keep the movie as realistic as possible. He took Lara sari shopping and bought some crumpled, old, de-glamorised saris for her.

While trying to portray her character Lara has had to blow into a chullah to light it, draw water from a well, run around barefoot and feed both Irrfan Khan and the goats. Hell that sounds like a lot of firsts for a former Miss World! Lara has confessed that Priyadarshan has made her work way harder in those 20 days of shooting than she has in her entire life. The experience she says, has got her trained to be a housewife!

Now this sounds like a hell of a change from her usual character which justs smiles and dances around the streets of Mauritius. I for one am waiting to see how well this ‘more than a lifetime worth of hard work’ appears on screen. It’s also good to know that some “stars” as we call them actually have started to listen to their directors and not the other way around.

Melodrama Mommas

Talk about melodrama mommas!

Bigg Boss is turning into a Bigg Circus!

The last I told you was about the heart-wrenching questions that the ‘inmates’ (which is the term we will use while referring to them henceforth) had to ask one another.

After Jade’s abrupt exit, Payal decided a dip in the Bigg Boss pool would help brighten all their spirits. Rahul cheekily agreed but for the sole reason that the girls in bikinis would make the TRP’s shoot up (hey, boys will be boys!).

The next day, miss boobs-for-brains Sambhavana found a crab and named it ‘Goody the crab’ (creativity at its best) and announced that if anyone ever missed Jade they could look at the crab instead! Did the crab & Jade have do much in common??? I think they’d be better of calling a tree Goody the Jhaad! It’s not surprising that she claimed to have heard voices in the house late at night when everyone was asleep – she’s barking mad!

So far, the tasks have been ridiculous and pointless but today’s just took the cake. Remember when you used to attend kiddie parties with return gifts? Well Bigg Boss apparently rips off games from a four-year-old’s birthday party! Everyone had to pair up and dance on a paper without stepping off it. The pairs were: Sambhavana and Zulfi (Why do I get the feeling that something’s brewing between the two?), Alina and Debojit, Monica and Rahul, Payal and Ehsaan (first to lose), Ketki with Ashutosh and Rakhi and Raja (the winners).

Raja was supposed to be judging this monstrosity, but holier-than-Jesus politician Sanjay refused, so of course, being the mafia in the house the rules were changed and he was made the judge.

Anyway, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Sanjay passed a comment about Sambhavana being an item girl and wearing skimpy clothes (Duh! That’s what item girl are there for geni-ass), to which Sambhavana got all upset up and started making comments about Rakhi Sawant and how she’s not like Rakhi who shows off her ‘assets’ and talks about them to get famous (so uncool)!

I just hope the rest of the season yields some REAL entertainment…

Why did Shah Rukh not react??

Everyone everywhere has heard about the big fight between Shah Rukh and Salman Khan at Katrina’s birthday bash. It was as blown up as Mr. Bindra getting us the coveted Olympic gold. After the fight, Salman Khan went just about everywhere telling people how such things always happen to him, and with “God Tussi Great Ho” releasing created an image of a guy with perpetual bad luck and no control over his actions and emotions (not like we did not know that sir!).
Shah Rukh on the other hand has not spoken a word about this. Now after much waiting, a good part of my brain suggested that the guy has attained temperamental nirvana or something, but it turns out that he has hurt his ever so fragile back again on the sets of his home production Billoo Barber. Hence he was in no state to react to any of the happenings. What a lame one brother! Whatever happened to big stars with PR.

Saif And Kareena’s Family Matters

Saif and Bebo look set to take their self-destructive, outcast teenager of a relationship to the next level. Apparently Saif’s parents have invited the Tashan girl to their yearly family-reunion in Haryana. None of Saif’s earlier girlfriends have been accepted into this inner circle and so apparently it’s a really big deal and a great gesture. Totally b*tchin’! Super groovy! You get the idea…

I’m pretty sure there’s more to it though. I think she’s the only one stupid enough to actually accept this offer. Who goes to a Pataudi reunion half-way across the country? What the hell are they going to do there? Get drunk, grab rifles and keep shooting until they hit something? That’s what they’ll do! Meanwhile, Sharmila and double-trouble over here will be sitting on the patio, trying hard to cut the tension. Finally, Sharmila will crack and pass a snide remark about the two lovebirds, which will send Saif howling to his room. Bebo will be too busy digesting the tequila to do anything but sit down and make a face.

If you thought this was bad, chew on this next piece of news for a while. Saif and Bebo are going to get married soon. That’s right. Married. After his heart attack, Saif claims to be a new man and understands the true value of life. So what will it take for you to understand the value of cinema? Maybe a stroke on the sets of Race or Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic would have done the trick. So he’s quit drinking and smoking and plans to live to a ripe old age. As for Kareena, she’ll milk this till the tits go dry and put that weak heart of his through another divorce before long…

Bigg Boss-Ram Katha

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

The second task of Bigg Boss is in, and boy, is it gripping!

After the very difficult task of being handcuffed together and taking turns to sleep, this task seems nearly impossible!

For this task, the Bada Saheb has given each of them a set of questions to ask the others within a span of three minutes, after which it’s an open forum and the housemates get to throw questions at each other but only until the timer rings.

The list of questions were something like this :

Where have you come from? / Where do you belong to?
What’s the most important moment of your life?
What’s the one thing that changed your life?
Why do you want to be in Bigg Boss?
Why do you want to win the prize money?

I tell you, if I were in their place, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. A task that requires such high levels of training and skill!!!
Asking five pre-determined questions of such intensity. How would I EVER be able to pull something of that magnitude off!? Sheesh!

Apart from that, did you hear about that politician Ramdas Athavle (of the Republican Party of India) who threw a hissy-fit and got his minions to riot outside the Colors office & break window-panes because his ‘name got canceled’ off the contestants of Bigg Boss and was replaced by Sanjay Nirupam.

When asked why he gave a shit about being on a show like Big Boss in the first place, he replied, “Because I am Bigg Boss of my party and society and I want to be Bigg Boss of TV also.” I was laughing so hard I nearly piddled in my pants!

Can you believe that? Who the hell puts these ‘great men’ up to run the country anyway?
Now I know why they wanted a politician on the show - only politicians can create such high levels of drama!

Kats new nick

After all the acting and painting, Salman has finally got his creative juices flowing. He has come up with a nickname for Katrina that does not overwork his evidently lazy facial muscles and can be said 30 times a day without evoking the black-buck-killing angry side of him. On the sets of Subhash Ghai’s Yuvraaj, Salman fondly calls Katrina ‘KK‘.

Now that really ‘original’ nickname (also used by an Indian singer might I add) is way uncooler than Kat. Katrina who has not yet set her foot on the ground after her completely God-given (and of course Akshay Kumar given!) success in the last year or so has been completely bowled over by this ‘mush-ful thinking’ on Salman’s part. She has been asking everyone in the unit to address her as KK.

I was hoping that the two of them had broken up so that I could finally make a play for my dream girl. Of course there’s no way in hell I’d ever reduce a beautiful name like Katrina to KK! I would respect her beauty and call her what she deserves to be addressed as…….. Goddess.

To us and a lot of our kind, KK sounds more like a villian from the 80’s than a really nice looking girl who you happen to get lucky with. Maybe Salman’s history with women makes him see the 80’s villain in them. I might be wrong, but if i am right, teleprompters beware! Very soon you might not be able to use the word ‘K’ in Sallubhai’s scrpits at all.

Jade leaves the Bigg Boss house

Day 1 in the Bigg Boss house was pretty much what I expected, with one crazy unexpected twist. a long drawn awkward episode with lots of timepass stuff. Rahul Mahajan actually asked Monica Bedi what it was like in jail! LOL! You could feel the tension in the air after that. Sambhavna Seth really is the weirdest roommate you could ever have. She shakes her @$$ while doing everything including making tea! The unexpected twist I spoke about? We’ll come to that later…

Last night they had their first ejection nominations and pretty much everyone voted out Sanjay Nirupam and Raja Chowdhary. So now we have to sms our votes for who we want to save. Sanjay Nirupam’s Congress party portfolio picture flashes onscreen along with his number that I have to sms if I want him to remain in the house. Frankly I feel like these are elections, his pictures just turn me off, not that Raja’s picture is any better!

The first task was read aloud by Ehsaan and the contestants formed pairs and handcuffed themselves to their partner. The pairs were: Sanjay Nirupam and Rakhi Tandon, Jade Goody and Payal Rothagi, Ketki Dave and Raja Chowdhary, Rahul Mahajan and Zulfi Sayed , Alina Wadiwala and Debojit Saha , Monica Bedi and Ehsaan Qureshi, and finally Sambhavana Seth and Ashutosh Kaushik.

Now the actual task is that the housemates had to take turns to sleep and they (each pair) could only sleep for a total of a hundred hours till Wednesday. In the event that both teammates fall asleep at the same time, their hours of sleep get deducted.

Anyway, eventually Rahul Mahajan calls a meeting and all of them decide to go to sleep and stop doing the task and get back to it after they wake up. Politicians already taking charge eh? Well, what can we say!

I’ll come to the unexpected twist now… and what a shocker it was!

Jade Goody was diagnosed with Cancer of the womb on the show! Live! ON AIR! Nobody can say they predicted that would happen!!! The 27-year-old British national who decided to appear on the show in order to clear the air about her being racist after Big Brother was seen bursting into the house after receiving a phone call, crying and saying “I have Cancer.”

She was immediately put on a flight and rushed back home for treatment.
Goody is the mother of two and had apparently undergone tests earlier this month after her third cancer scare. Third? WTF!?

Seriously though, come on… That’s GOT to be contrived! No way I believe any of that, I’m sure it was just planned & ‘part of the script’!

Five desimad tips to Shamita Shetty… to boost your career!!

It seems the younger Shetty sister is having a much harder time as compared to elder sis Shilpa these days. Whilst the older sibling is soaring to new heights in her career thanks to the international success of ‘Big Brother‘ (which she won last year), and getting to be the host of the Indian version of the show this year, i.e. ‘Bigg Boss‘; the younger one still seems to be wallowing in sadness over the failure of her last film ‘Cash‘. And it seems that following the advice of dear sister Shilpa, she has even resorted to more spiritual ways to give her morale and of course, not so happening career a boost. Oh please! Give us a break! We’re happy that you’re praying to God and all, but you should know better than to follow your more successful sister’s advice… cuz, we’re sure that though she has been kind enough to advise you for the past eight years it really doesn’t seem to have worked! Try some of our desimad suggestions instead…

1. Start by wearing some knickers under your dresses! Yes we still remember the day you pulled off your Indian version of Sharon Stones’s ‘basic instinct’, but honey, you’re just asking for media attention in all the wrong places! Literally

2. Pose for ‘Playboy’ or ‘Debonair‘… or maybe even both!! If suggestion number one is too hard for you to follow, and if you are going to continue to expose, might as well do it for some well known magazine (even if it’s a trashy one) to earn yourself some fame… and money too!

3. Look for meatier roles, instead of just doing the same old ‘Sharara sharara‘ items. We do love to see you shake your @$$ (and other things too), but if someone as ugly as Neha Uberoi can get a lead role… so can you! She may have a big-shot father, but you have a big-shot sister! So make the most of it!

4. Tell Shilpa to produce a reality show and cast you in the lead role. Call it “What it’s like to be Shilpa Shetty’s younger sister’, and expose all the down and dirty sibling rivalry between the two of you on the show! It will surely be yummy for the audience! Well, it can’t be any worse than what we already have!

5. Our last suggestion to you is - if u can’t follow the above then PLEASE just vanish and leave us in peace! One Shetty sister on the face of the earth is more than enough to handle! We really hope you read this as we are sure it will help you. In the end all we can say is… best of luck!! If you do disappear from the face of the earth… we are sure we’ll see you in hell… sorry, heaven!

Bebo makes up with ‘Kaalli billi’!!

Yes its true!! All you cat-fight lovers who have been following the fight between Bipasha and Kareena like it was the war of the gods can bid adieu to your most beloved source of entertainment.

After seven long years of rivalry, Bebo has finally decided to make peace with Bips, who she had previously called ‘Kaalli Billi‘, in the heat of the moment. And the peace offering was made at the auspicious occasion of boyfriend Saif Ali Khan’s birthday. If he was the one to suggest the make up… then way to go Saif!! We guess it’s high time the Khans follow your example and grow up!

Looks like the birthday party held at the ‘Four Seasons’ hotel in Worli turned out to be an (ahem) ‘amicable affair’ for many. It was certainly a magical night for Miss Basu, who not only made up with her old rival but also walked into the party with Ranbir Kapoor who is the boyfriend of her not so recent rival Deepika Padukone!! These two beauties too seem to have made up with each other thanks to the success of their newly released film ‘Bachna ae haseeno’.

We’re sure Ranbir is enjoying all the attention, as it looked like a case of an ‘awesome threesome’ for him, being flanked by a tall beauty on one end… and a dusky beauty on the other!! We wonder if Minissha Lamba too will soon join the threesome, at gatherings… and maybe other places too… Only if miss Padukone is willing to share her boyfriend some more that is…!

So anyway, the currently more committed boyfriend Saif, used his birthday as a good excuse to gather everyone together and kiss and make up. Unlike not so peaceful Sallu who recently used his girlfriend’s birthday for the exact opposite reason! No wonder his girlfriend isn’t talking to him, and has brushed off his marriage proposal. So at least one Khan in the industry is still in love with his girlfriend and vice-versa. Now that just makes us soooo happy….. yeah right!

We are now hoping to see two of the leading actresses of the industry in a movie together after a seven year wait as the two have not starred together since ‘Ajnabee‘, even though the movie did reasonably well at the box office. Hopefully Bipasha no longer thinks that Kareena has too many expressions on her face while acting…. as it seems like Bebo has forgotten about John’s ‘expressionless face’!

Bigg Boss 2 is finally here

After weeks of hype Endemol’s Bigg Boss season 2 finally premiered last night and it was really a premiere worth a dekho. Sure enough it started off with a house tour courtesy of Madam host herself Shilpa Shetty (who I’m guessing has recently been signed on as brand ambassador of McDonald’s since she kept walking around and saying “I’m loving it!”)

First, they brought out Ketki Dave, whom I didn’t recognise immediately since I’m not much of a saas-bahu soap fan…

Actor/model Zulfi Sayed was second to walk into the house in a velvet suit. Dear God, I hope his sense of style relaxes over the next 100 days! I don’t think I can take much more of velvet suits and pink satin shirts.

After the chota sa break - Monica Bedi was in the house! Unfortunately for me I missed her intro but I’m pretty sure she danced since no one wears blue PVC pants on a daily basis.

Raja Chowdhury was lucky number four. He came to the Bigg Boss house dressed like he was ready to crash a wedding. He was closely followed by Rakhi Tandon. The only Rakhi I was looking forward to seeing in Bigg Boss 2 was Rakhi Sawant!

I was just about to switch off the TV when Rahul Mahajan entered the house. Hmmmmm… he must have done something real bad this time since he’s trying to pull off one of his publicity stunts again!

Now I’m just going to list the rest in their order of appearance: Sambhavna Seth (’Helen of Bhojpuri films’), Ehsaan Qureshi (stand-up comedian), Elina Wadia (shopaholic and die-hard SRK fan), Debojit (playback singer), Payal Rohatgi (my favourite B-Grade movie actress), Ashutosh (my favourite MTV Roadie), Politician Sanjay Nirupam and…. (drum roll)…

Jade Goody! The Big Brother veteran is the final contestant of Bigg Boss 2! Looks like she’s here to prove a point. I’m not entirely sure what she meant, but Shilpa’s taught her a jadoo ki jhapi which will supposedly be her secret weapon in the house.

I must admit, Endemol did really well. This is a fantastic line-up. I love Jade Goody’s accent I also love that she tripped and fell when leaving Shilpa on the stage to go to the Bigg Boss house.

Things to look forward to in this season:

1. An eclectic group of Indian individuals interacting with one British racist.

2. Three item girls under one roof, who are worse actors than Shilpa Shetty is a host.

3. I can promise you Jade Goody is going to try some hindi at the very least she’ll say ‘Namaste’ at least once every episode.

4. Well Shilpa Shetty’s the host so I guess we can look forward to seeing her in other such sequined excuse for a sari in the coming 100 days.

The Bachchan’s Unforgettable Tour Update

It’s ironic that the already famous Bachchans are virtually dying for more fame and publicity ALL the time! And that is exactly what the leading family of the film industry is doing, by means of their ‘Unforgettable Tour‘, touring 28 different cities in Europe and the United States. Oh please!! Give us a break! The only unforgettable thing about this tour are the prices and the ridiculous number of times the ads are being shown to already fed up New Yorkers at Times Square.

Apparently the tour does consist of other stars as well but none of them are being thrown into the limelight as much as the Ash, Abhishek and Big B trio. Thank god, that some genuine stars such as Madhuri Dixit are finally starting to gain some well deserved publicity through the show as well. The rarely seen Madhuri recently gave breathtaking performances at San Francisco and Los Angeles, to her most popular tracks such as ‘Que Sera Sera‘ from ‘Pukar‘, and ‘Ek Do Teen‘ from ‘Tezaab‘. Way to go, Mads! We hope the permanently press-hungry Bachchans are not too jealous of your fan following at the shows! :p

We pity the poor culturally starved NRI’s in America and Europe who are forced to see ads of the tour every five minutes, but cannot go see the actual show because of the super high price of two hundred and fifty pounds per ticket. I’d rather spend double the money to go to Madame Tussaud’s ten times, than spend so many pounds to watch something so fake and ridiculously expensive when you can just watch them on TV at home. So we guess Big B’s declaration that the ‘tour is solely due to the love of the fans’ was a big fat lie! Try reducing ticket prices if you love your fans so much! As if you would actually bother to parade around for your beloved fans for free! It’s obvious that the tour is about the money, seeing that each star is getting paid an exorbitant 700,000 pounds per act! Truly unforgettable!! But only for the Bachchan’s…

Shiney Disco Ball!!

Shiney Ahuja it seems has been taken over by Sudhir Mishra’s ‘parallel cinema actors need to do weird things’ bug. After being plagued with perpetual problems of hair loss and head loss, (add to that his philandering ways and rude-boy demeanour that everyone knows about) and you know you are dealing with a really strange guy already. But well, this strange world of his isn’t enough for Shiney who is just hell bent on adding more to that list. Check this out!
Shiney is really bored and has mostly covered all the strange things Indian actors have managed to do in their entire career. Sudhir Sir seems to be out of crazy ideas for the day. Suddenly Shiney’s light bulb brain lights up, he takes his car to a suburban multiplex, parks it right outside and starts watching people go inside.

We wait for him (we’re the only useless ones doing it somehow) to go do something more human like head in, maybe watch a movie or at least buy a couple of tickets for some later show;anything like that. But no, the man just stands there for a whole hour, and when no one except us is paying any attention, zooms off in his Shiney car to high five Sudhir Mishra for pulling off another one. They then share a laugh and get back to playing Solitaire with each other over the internet…

Big Boss Is Watching You!!

August 17th, two days after all of us have celebrated 61years of independence, 14 strangers will be rounded up and taken to the middle of Lonavla and abandoned in a sprawling set built to resemble a house. The rules are simple. No contact with the outside world, no watches and most definitely,
no privacy. Even if you check yourself out in the mirror, a camera will catch you in action from the other side of that one-way glass.

The sets which these 14 strangers have to call home somewhat resemble the leftovers of an Austin Powers set, complete with gaudy wall paper and funky furniture. The house is semi circular and seems ill-equipped to house 14 people. How they will manage remains to be seen.

Even before it’s start, the much hyped show has commanded a lot of media attention, both positive and negative. Faisal Khan was also shown the door at the last minute. He has accused Viacom media, Colours TV and Endemol of breach of contract. After being given a clean chit by a psychologist concerning his mental health he moved to court on Wednesday and is trying the stall the telecast of the show until the matter is addressed. He also claims Aamir has ’something’ to do with him being dropped for the show. Imagine… Someone actually WANTS to be inside that hellhole, and is willing to take people to court over it! He’s definitely insane!

Endemol also has a case against them courtesy of Jhanvi Kapoor. Apparently her name was used to garner publicity for the show but in the end they left her hanging and didn’t sign her. They claim that she had to cancel a lot of prior commitments in order to shoot for Bigg Boss 2. Come on Jhanvi, I’m pretty sure your therapist will re-schedule at no extra cost.

Besides if you really want to make the news, wear a tiny dress with no underwear and sprawl out on a staircase for photographers. It won’t cost you any money and it will definitely put you back in the
circuit. Maybe you’ll even get an item song or a movie made based on your life. The possibilities are endless in Bollywood.

But now back to Bigg Boss 2. The speculations have led me to draw up this ridiculous list of contenders. After last seasons huge disappointments that Endemol called ‘celebrities’ they’ve taken the
safer route this time around and called half the contestants ‘news makers’. I’m guessing Monica Bedi, Shakti Kapoor, Sanjay Nirupam, Mika, Shambavna Seth fall into this category. The ‘commoners’ consist of just about anybody who’s stupid enough to sign up without reading the fine print. Some bekaar journalists and watchmen maybe.

Well, there’s about it from Bigg Boss 2. Guess we just have to wait for the 17th to know if my predictions are anywhere near the truth.

Another Bollywood Jodi!!

Don’t look now, but another father-child hell duo has cropped up in the Bollywood fraternity. This time, it’s Priyanka Chopra and daddy, Dr. Ashok Chopra. Previous father-child calamities have been Fardeen-Feroze Khan, Yash-Aditya Chopra and of course, the worst of the lot, Harman and Harry Baweja.

Dr. Ashok Chopra is planning on making his Bollywood debut in a film called Ki Ka Ku. In case your mind just tried to turn that into something meaningful, here it is again. Ki Ka Ku. In the movie, he plays himself (dear God). He enters a party and is made to sing a song. It’s called an item number Dr. Ashok. Don’t try and make it sound like it’s a legitimate acting debut. You’ve just got to dance badly. Even Harman can do that!

To make matters worse, the doctor is recording a music album with Tips! He’s already recorded seven songs. Yes, years of medical school well spent. He also tackled a few questions about the Priyanka-Harman relationship. He claimed that they never dated, but said that Harman would insist on staying over from time to time and watch Hrithik movies.

As dangerous as this already seems, it’s only a matter of time before Priyanka and Dr. Ashok have a Kodak family moment and decide to make a movie together. So don’t brace yourselves just yet, this may just be the tip of the iceberg.

The Latest On Saif And Kareena

It’s been a while since we heard about Bollywood dimwits Saif and Kareena. The last time they were in the news was for the fight they had over Kareena kissing Sylvester Stallone. Well, according to Saif’s latest statements, most of what was believed to have gone down at the sets of Kambakht Ishq is false!

The Chotte Nawab has said that he has no problem with on-screen kisses, as long as they’re done tastefully. And what exactly would you know about taste Saif?? The last movie you did (Thoda Pyaar, Thoda Magic) tasted of death. And what if the scene demands a passionate kiss? You’ll have no problem letting that inner housewife out then would you?

Saif also met Sly on the sets and apparently got along with him pretty well. Sly asked him to get his tattoo darkened and probably reminded him that it’s a movie set and not Kareena’s ‘bring your insecure boyfriend to work’ day. Saif was humbled by the words of the Hollywood star and promised himself that he wouldn’t cry in front of everyone. Sly, the self made man obviously left quite an impression on the poor Nawab.

Saif’s anything but a self made man. I’d be surprised if he can make an omlette for himself… forget a career! He blames his lack of independence on the city. What?? What problems do you have exactly? Which Bentley to buy next month? Which piece of land you want to grab in Europe? When to get together and play polo? Somebody’s got to do it huh? F**king twit.

Tribal Rakhi goes Hoo lala at 1920 music launch!

We are all aware that the ‘Bhatt of all jokes’ i.e. Vikram Bhatt’s movie 1920, is completed and set to release. What many of us did not know was that the otherwise incompetent producer, would kick a$$ at the music launch of his film by inviting none other than ‘Numero uno’ ( yeah right) item girl Rakhi Sawant, to do a trashy performance there, and therefore gain tons of publicity!

Our beloved item girl, came to the launch looking like a cab driver’s fantasy, dressed as a tribal woman from Nagaland with a red feather on her head! Hahaha. Apparently she has an item number in the movie, to which she shook her leg (and a lot of other things hehe), at the performance. Miss Sawant was carried into the show on a ‘doli’ (normally meant for brides) by at least ten men who looked like wannabe ‘Govindas’ dying to build a pyramid and break the pot filled with butter. And we are sure Rakhi has enough butter to offer these ‘fans’ of hers. Lying down on the doli, glaring at everyone, Miss Sawant looked more like the queen of sluts than a to bride-to-be. What a disgusting concept it turned out to be!!

Anyway, coming back to the movie, it has a crappy storyline, and Bhatt who has run out of original ideas, seems to be trying very hard to recreate the magic of his earlier movie ‘Raaz‘ which turned out to be a blockbuster. The story revolves around a haunted house in the wilderness which has been cursed. Anything BHATT unique! But, the music might surprise us just like the launch with singers such as Shubha Mudgal and Asha Bhonsle lending their voices to the songs.

Red hot Rakhi, has already done HER version of the traditional hoo la la at the show. But so far we are still boo haha about the blah film. One thing is clear. Whether the movie ends up being a hit or a miss, Rakhi Sawant has certainly hit us all with another circus of a performance. Who would have guessed that the otherwise brainless director had brains enough to collect trashy publicity for his film??!! Well trashy or not, where Miss Sawant is concerned, ANY publicity is good publicity!!

Blog war ahoy!

Ramu and KJo are at loggerheads again. A little birdy tells me that Karan Johar is very upset with Ram Gopal Verma for passing unnecessary remarks about him and his style of film-making on his blog. On a post titled “11 Things That Scare Me The Most”, the director cites as his 10th point, “Karan Johar’s films for very obvious reasons.” But then again he also ends his blog by saying that he’s just kidding.

Johar is not ready to accept his apologies this time around. He says that he’s sick of Ramu’s repeated attacks on him. After all he is attempting to shoot scenes of My name is Khan in the White house something that’s never been attempted. You know, just because something has never been done before does not mean it should be attempted just for the heck of it. There probably was a good reason for that to begin with! Now, RGV has a reputation of being a bigger gas-bag than Mahesh Bhatt. All he does is give his unwanted two cents about everyone else. This is clearly a stunt to promote his new scare flick Phoonk. So I dunno why he’s being taken so seriously!

We are faced with many problems now. Firstly, Ram Gopal Verma’s right to write anything ought to have been seized after his dreadful remake of Sholay. Secondly, even though half of the industry must be nodding along in agreement about his dig at KJo, what the hell makes him think his latest movie is any better? Phoonk!!?? This pitiful attempt at reviving your flagging career doesn’t exactly count as great cinema either. I don’t know which one of you is worse. Both of you make the same sh!t over and over again, like a couple of baboons with long term memory loss and expect us to throw you bananas after each attempt. No wonder you two are fighting.

With the release of Phoonk and Dostana around the corner, I’m surprised that the sparring has confined itself to a stray comment on a blog. Come Thursday, I’m sure RGV will be in his attic, drinking bat’s blood with a transvestite. As for KJo, he and Shah Rukh will be busy giggling away in is bedroom as he blank calls Ramu through the night from his Hello Kitty phone.

Sonam Picks Another Kapoor!!

Even though the movie offers have run dry, Sonam Kapoor’s love life seems to be getting along nicely. After her alleged affair with Ranbir during the filming of Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s paper-cut of a film, Saawariya, she’s been spotted hand in hand with Kunal Kapoor. The two were seen enjoying an evening show of The Dark Knight at PVR Juhu. They booked corner seats and at some point, Kunal yawned and slipped his arm around her. Wow!! Take it easy there champ! You better slow that bird down!! Go easy on the oysters alright? Jeez!

Even though all this smells of ‘awkward first date’, rumour has it that the two have been an item for quite a while. Yes, Kunal, the future face of Doga and Sonam, the current face of total failure have been wooing each other for months.

Getting back to the point. The two were hounded at the theatre by a group of college kids who asked for autographs. Kunal lapped up his two minutes of fame and politely obliged. Apparently Sonam didn’t do the same. She just sat there and hid her face. Right, since so many people want her autograph. What the hell are they going to do with it?? You’re one movie old!! They’ll probably need to attach your biography to that piece of paper if anyone is to understand what it’s all about.

After this lovely episode, the two fought over their split perspectives on fan encouragement and public displays of affection. But it was all okay by the end of the night. The two walked out without understanding head or tail of the movie but feeling a sense of unity with the rest of the morons in Bollywood.

Drunk in Dubai

Neha Dhupia has caused another problem on the sets of Paritosh Painter’s debut flick, Paying Guest. Neha who was already quite a queen of controversy on the sets during the Bangkok schedule of the film owing to her cat fights with co-stars Riya Sen and Celina Jaitley, took off to Dubai to attend a show. She promised the director to be back the same day and resume shooting on the next. However, the really professional Neha got really drunk at the after-party of the event in Dubai and managed to miss her flight back to Bangkok. Forget this, the following day, she did not even care to inform the director or anyone about her missed flight, or receive any of the numerous calls made to her by the unit.
Neha when asked, denied ever tasting alcohol in her life, and she maintained that she has never even tried any drugs like other actors do!
Let’s assume you are so clean as you say Neha, then try and be more professional and don’t shed your arm-candy tag for an unprofessional latecomer one.

This would not exactly be the end of the ‘Tales of Neha from Bangkok’. She apparently gave her make-up guy and the spot boy a slip to enter the lift of the hotel she was put up in with Four burly African nationals. Now they did not exactly recognize the actress and just like overgrown fun-loving kids stopped the lift at every floor before reaching their own, our little Neha was left trying all the meditation tricks to keep herself calm while all this was happening. The incident has apparently left her a little scared and hopefully wiser.

Kidnap: First look

The trailers are out and they look good. Well, good is an understatement. Slick, suave and dark – Indian movies are moving on from the old rona-dhona and candyfloss kinda flicks. Kidnap, Sanjay Gadhvi’s first venture outside the Yash Raj camp looks like a thrilling watch. From the trailers at least.

The director, who has hits like Dhoom and Dhoom 2 under his hat, has fulfilled his dream of working with Sanjay Dutt. Sanju baba plays the world’s richest Indian in the movie. ‘Net Worth: $51.7 Billion’ announces the trailer. The story is such; Sanju’s daughter (played by Minnisha Lamba) gets kidnapped by young gun Imraan Khan. From here on it’s a battle of wits between the new blood and the old warrior as the father tries to save his daughter.

Dutt looks his usual self in the movie. The scowl and trademark Sanju baba walk are in place. Imraan Khan, plays a negative role in this one, after his chocolate boy performance in ‘Jaane Tu…’. This also gives him an opportunity to show off his tattoo which he had to hide in debut movie ‘coz it didn’t suit his character. Minnisha Lamba, is hardly present in the trailer. Going by her screen time in the promo, I’d say her role is hardly anything in the movie.

All in all, the first look seems good. But then again, first looks are sometimes deceptive!

Ranbir-Deepika Head For SPLITSVILLE!!

Looks like its going to be a case of splitsville for Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone, even before the release of the much anticipated ‘Bachna-Ae-Haseeno‘!!

And whose got their claws on the newly ‘almost single’ Ranbir?? None other than our ‘I’m so committed to John’ Miss Basu. Apparently Miss Padukone is very angry and has lost her cool because of all the attention Bipasha and Ranbir are getting as a couple in the promos of the film. It seems she was so feeling so neglected that she even insisted on Bipasha’s absence on Salman Khan’s show, and appeared on it alone with Ranbir as a couple. Well, looks like if Deepika gets her way once… then Bipasha has to get her way twice!!
On the dance show ‘Aaja Mahi Vay‘ hosted by T.V. Star Shweta Tiwari, Bipasha made sure she got maximum coverage, in fact even more than Ranbir. Though, the entire star cast of the film has been invited on the show, Ranbir and Bipasha are the judges (though we wonder WHAT they are really going to be judging) whereas, Deepika and Minissha (Does she exist in the movie too?) are only guests. ‘Take that Deepika’, is what Bips seems to be saying!
Poor miss Padukone!! She seems to look like a rag doll compared to the sizzling Bips in the film promos, despite her younger age, and supermodel status. The Bong beauty is getting to cut her cake and eat it too, as she grows older. Ha ha ha… Way to go!!
We are certain that the public will not miss seeing the couples’ various public displays of affection, which were quite frequent and in your face! So much, that even their co-stars were sick of it on the sets of Bachna. We hope that they have not overdone it in the movie, as who wants to make time and spend money to go and watch a film that is filled only with make-out scenes of an already broken-up couple? If they have used each other so much for fame and publicity, they might as well have waited a bit till the movie released, so that at least people could enjoy seeing them on screen. God knows they’re no Shahid and Kareena Kapoor, who could still pull off ‘Jab We Met‘ after they had broken up.
Well folks, looks like it’s Splitsvilla for the couple. Splitsvilla, is where ‘love hai money, so better go and get the money’. We guess that’s exactly what the couple has done all this while…! So ‘Bachna Ae Haseeno’, Ranbir is on the move again!!

Sallu miffed about Akki-Kat combo

The Akshay-Katrina magic at the box office continues with their latest release, Singh is Kinng. The Aneez Bazmee flick has shattered box office records by raking in a cool 18 crore in its opening weekend. It’s also the highest grossing Indian film in the North American region. Undoubtedly, most of this success rests on the shoulders of the lead pair. Producer Vipul Shah, encouraged by the success of this venture is planning to make another movie with Akki and Kat. Everyone in B-Town is excited to hear about this, except one brooding Khan - our very own Sallubhai.

Salman is not too happy about the bonhomie between Akshay and Katrina. Newspaper reports linking the two of them and pics of the two getting uncomfortably close at umpteen promotional events have left the green-eyed super star fuming. Even on the sets of Dus Ka Dum, where Akshay and Katrina were contestants, Salman it seems wasn’t too happy. Oh! and he’s also recently gone and made a statement claiming that he’ll marry Katrina when she has wrinkles. Hahaha… with the advent of Botox, I guess that translates to never!

Lets assume that Sallu’s doubts are rightly placed. Is Akki getting back to his old Casanova ways? Before he married Twinkle Khanna, he was romantically linked to his co-stars Raveena Tandon, Shilpa Shetty and Rekha. Of late there have also been many press reports about him and his personal trainer Jennifer. Later, the actor publicly rubbished the reports.

Wonder what Twinkle has to say about all this?