They plan to tie the knot later this year or maybe even later than that, she promises us that she’ll make a formal announcement soon! (Thanks dear, we really need that!!). Their parents too have given a one-up to this happy union. The couple is unsure whether they would like to live with Farhan’s parents and hence have already begun hunting for a love-nest in South Mumbai. Ayesha apparently has been signing fewer films after the decision. She has also decided not to appear in Jagmohan Mundhra’s “Do Knot Disturb” as it is a sex comedy, and as we all see, she’s trying to please her one and only Farhan. Although I’m sure she would look out of place in a sex comedy after her breast reduction surgery.
Ayesha Takia, after harrowing us with her mindless screen presence, has finally decided to try the acid test on her boyfriend - Farhan Azmi. You guessed it right guys!! She’s getting married! She says it’s her way of taking this relationship of three years to a more meaningful level.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Takia’s been taken!!!
Sunny Scare
Our sources tell us that Kabeer, who was really excited at the start of the shoot, had some serious differences in opinion with Sunny during the editing of the movie as Sunny thought he was in a much better position to call the shots during editing than the director himself. The experience left Kabeer so tense that he resorted to making lame excuses like, “I have some personal work in London” to avoid the music launch. Of course no one really noticed his absence since Rosa Catalano the newest item girl on the block filled the gap. Kabeer apparently wanted to cast Bobby in his first film too, but Bobby who has had nothing but a really big chain of flops to offer, refused on matters of principle. Sunny boy! Here’s some advice, maybe you should just stick to flexing your muscles and doing the Tarzan calls in your bedroom if you want to save your brother’s dying career and your own money!
Our brave Punjab-da-puttar Sunny has been at it again. He has managed to scare the director Kabeer Kaushik to such an extent that the poor guy did not even attend his first movie’s music launch. The movie in question being Bobby Deol and Priyanka Chopra starrer Chamku.
Chappal se maara
Sources say that Rakhi has an extremely short temper and tends to fly off the handle for the smallest of matters. Who the hell let this joker out of the box?? Of course when Rakhi was contacted she played the dumb I-have-no-clue-what-you’re-talking-about card. She said and I quote, “I did not beat up any of my staffers.” She did, however, call them “staffers.” She does, though, admit to whacking anyone who dares misbehave with her. Only celebrities could get away with stunts like this at their workplace (since acting is a profession I’m guessing sets are their place of work). Can you even imagine what would happen if you tried to pull this stunt at your workplace?
I’ve always read how Hollywood actresses behave like such divas and lash out at other people both physically and verbally, and been glad that Bollywood actresses have more grace and class. WRONG!! Recently during the shooting of one of the episodes of The Rakhi Sawant Showz, some poor soul made the mistake of pissing off Sawant. He probably made eye contact with her or something. So instead of just yelling at him for no apparent reason like the rest of Bollywood’s animals do, Sawant went ballistic and attacked this person… WITH A CHAPPAL.
Thoda Anger Thoda War!!!
Rumour has it that Kunal has moved out of his office which was given to him by Yash Raj Films. Also Aditya has refused to pay him the amount due to him as co-producer for Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic. However, it is pretty impressive the way both parties have handled the situation. Neither has come out and slashed the others name in public, nor have they gone on talk shows and bitched the other out. See, now there is a moral to all these stories… Crappy movies and sour friends go hand in hand.
Bad movies do a lot more than just give me a reason to post a blog; they also destroy and ruin friendships. After the horrible performance of Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic the age-old friendship of Kunal Kohli and Aditya Chopra has fizzled out. The duo has been working together for decades now, churning out “hits” (yes, the air quotes are necessary) like Fanaa, Hum Tum and Mujhse Dosti Karoge.
The many lives of Arjun Rampal
1) After shooting for Abhishek Kapoor’s ‘Rock On’, he seems to have learnt how to play air-guitar, and more importantly he’s mastered the really hard stuff - putting two fingers to his lips and air-kissing the crowd. If it doesn’t work out in Bollywood, he always has a job at such Meccas of music such as Goa Portuguesa and J. W. Marriott to fall back on. But all said and done, Bollywood is India’s a**hole and will take in and pay whatever it can get. It’s the nature of the business. In fact, it’s reached an all-time low in recent times. They are now hiring people without skill or looks; the first moron who walks in gets roped in. If anyone doubts the truth of this statement just google Upen Patel; you’ll get what I’m talking about.
Arjun Rampal has finally realized that he doesn’t have what it takes to cut it in the acting business. Of course, that didn’t stop the rest of Bollywood, but it’s nice to see that at least one guy’s accepted defeat and moved on. He now has three extra career options.
2) His plan to set up a lounge-cum-dining bar in New Delhi, called LAP may take shape and allow him to spotlight his terrible sense of music there. LAP stands for ‘Lounge And Party’, a name that took not one but two minds to come up with. So let’s just black out the ‘creative arts’ tab in his career possibilities sheet.
3) And finally, his last and most frightening option - becoming a full-time director. As shocking as it sounds, Arjun has already worn the Bollywood Director’s dunce hat once for a movie
called I See You. I hope it never sees me.
No One Gives A Phoonk!!
I know what you’re thinking… “Wow!, that’s a lot of money, anyone would do it, I know I would! 5 lakhs, I’d watch it twice if he wanted”. But before you totally high-five on it with your friends, please take a moment to consider what you’re getting into and treat it with the gravity that anything RGV puts out deserves. We all remember his mid-life crisis of a movie, Ram Gopal Verma Ki Aag. And who could forget such timeless adventures of young lust and misguided morality as Jungle and Daud? I wouldn’t sit through them if I was strapped to my chair with all my friends and family doing the can-can around me; forget about alone with the option of leaving. Now we come to Phoonk. This one, he claims, is the scariest one he’s ever made. That alone sends shivers down my spine. Can anyone bear three music-less hours of sudden camera zooms, frightened mothers and Exorcist rip-offs? And who in their right mind goes alone into a theatre for an event organized by Ram Gopal Verma?? If your kidneys and first-born sons mean anything to you, STAY AWAY.
Ram Gopal Verma has offered viewers Rs. 5 lakh if they can sit through his new horror flick, Phoonk, without walking out of the theatre mid-way. Now here’s the catch, you’ve got to do it alone.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Stop or else…
In a classic attempt to divide and rule, 61 years after it stopped working, the Khans of Bollywood have been issued threats by the Indian Mujahideen barring them from working in Hindi movies. The Freemason clan of B-Town has treated this event like a 100-metre tsunami and immediately offered to counter the terrorist threat with more soap operas and bubblegum cinema in a bid to prove that Bollywood is after all a secular entity.
Stop or else...
Farah Khan said she has already given her secular testimonial by marrying a Hindu. She also goes on to say that as long as one is successful, no one gives a flying F*** about what God they worship. Looks like she believes in calling a spade a spade. I feel like doing the same: GO HOME FATTY, NO ONE LIKES YOU!!!
Karan Johar, the anatomically secular wonder boy believes that there is no sexual or secular divide in Bollywood and that inter-racial love triangles rock his world. Soap-queen Ekta Kapoor, has spoken her heart out and confessed that there’s more terror everyday through her mindless half hour re-runs
than any Mujahideen can ever dream of.
Kunal Kohli has no choice but to support the Khans as after Thoda Pyaar, Thoda Magic, critics have confiscated his rights to choose.
When contacted, the Mujahideen said that it was after this movie that they decided to take such drastic steps and threaten the 4 kings of Bollywood. They feel the Khans would be more productive working at the Lahore McDonald’s.
Vidya and her tantrums
What is up with Vidya Balan? A few mildly successful flicks in her kitty and the woman fancies herself to be the queen of Bollywood! Rather than channelizing her energies into her acting, this lady is busy throwing tantrums, bitching about other actresses and building herself a ‘diva’ reputation.
Just recently she was invited as a guest on Rohit Roy’s chat show on Zoom TV- Inside Bollywood. Along with her, Rohit’s brother Ronit Roy was slated to appear as a guest on that episode. As soon as Vidya learned about her co-star she shut herself in the vanity van.
She was displeased that a TV actor was to appear as a guest with her. “If it’s inside BOLLYWOOD”, the actress is said to have remarked, “what is a small time TV star doing on the show?”
After delaying the shoot by about 2 hours, she was eventually persuaded by her PR team and the Zoom production team to go ahead and do the show.
Vidya my dear, please don’t do this to yourself. No one appreciates it. And just FYI, Ronit Roy has acted in a few movies and is also appearing in Sanjay Gupta’s ‘Alibaug’ soon.
Sonam moves on…
Sonam moves on...
So everyone’s heard Sonam’s sob story - how she doesn’t even talk to her ex - Ranbir. Don’t you go and think her life’s all about moping around and avoiding exes… she has a career you know (albeit almost non-existent).
After the dud that was Saawariya, not many offers came her way. Trade analysts attributed this to her looks which go against current convention. In a day when stars who look more firang than Indian (take Katrina Kaif for instance) rule the roost, Sonam has a clear cut Indian look and feel. The only role she bagged was Rakeysh Mehra’s Dilli 6 opposite Abhishek Bachchan.
She almost got a role in Adi Chopra’s big venture ‘Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi’ with SRK. That stuff fell through unexpectedly and she was replaced by some random Anushka Sharma chick. Aditya Chopra though was extremely impressed by her unconventional looks and the latest is that she’s bagged a precious YRF role opposite chocolate boy Shahid Kapoor in an as yet untitled project. Way to go Sonam!
As for shaking off that image… why dontcha pose for Maxim or Playboy or something??
Aamir and Imraan Unite
Aamir and Imraan Unite
Imraan Khan seems to have struck gold as far as a successful launch goes. After Jaane Tu, he’s been lined up by none other than uncle Aamir Khan to play the lead in his movie, Delhi Belly. Aamir, who’s been having a horrid time casting for the movie claims that he wasn’t planning on casting Imraan earlier and that it just occurred to him that he would be perfect for an “urban sex comedy”. Right, Jaane Tu totally brought out the sex-comedian in Imraan.
Not only has Aamir launched Imraan’s career, but also made sure that he behaves like him too. Imraan has turned down a Yashraj role because he didn’t like the script. I can only hope that Harman, Ranbir and company have their ears open. DON’T DO SHIT MOVIES. We all know you’ll are shit actors, at least make yourselves look a little better by choosing your scripts wisely. Aamir has also said that he only wants to give Imraan’s career an “initial push” and then leave it up to him to shape his own career. Good old hard-selling.
Now, a major concern has been their similarity in looks. Imraan looks more like Aamir’s love-child than his nephew which of course, opens up whole new world’s of speculative possiblities. Who’s the mother? Does he even know who the mother is? Was Imraan made in a lab? Is the government planning to flood the market with Imraan’s just to make sure we don’t have to sit through debuntant disasters like Saawariya and Love Story 2050? If they are, then God Bless democracy. All this and more, next week on Desimad Blog!!
The Ranbir-Sonam Equation
As if we don’t see enough love-triangle dramas on screen, B-town’s newbies, Ranbir Kapoor, Deepika Padukone and Sonam Kapoor have somehow worked themselves into a very similar situation. This was first noticed at Katrina Kaif’s B’day bash, when all three were present but made a conscious effort to stay out of each other’s way.
Ranbir and Sonam grew very close to each other on the sets of Saawariya, clearly a movie that should have drilled home the fact that they weren’t meant to be actors but would’ve made it as villagers pretending to have lost their money to go home or employees at a suburban bakery. They would console each other every time Sanjay Leela Bhansali, director and total cry-baby shouted at them for their terrible acting. They were supposedly so madly in love that Sonam used to visit Ranbir at his house frequently and warm-up to father, Rishi Kapoor and dragon-mother, Neetu Singh. Isn’t that just swell.
But soon enough, Deepika dumped Yuvraj and was single again. In swooped Ranbir and bunked with her instead. And so now, it’s all awkward between the two Saawariya debutants. As usual, when contacted, Sonam Kapoor maintained a stony silence. Hint taken.
Dost dost na raha…
The friendship between Govinda and his choreographer turned director friend, Ganesh Acharya could not survive the latter’s directorial venture “Money Hai to Honey Hai“.Govinda in an interview after the movie has given a choreographed account of what went wrong. Here are 9 reasons why they are not friends anymore,
1. Akshay Kumar, who was supposed to be making a Guest Appearance in one of the songs from the movie was replaced by ( i can’t F***ing believe this!!) Ganesh Acharya himself.
2. There was a major difference between the script that was narrated to him by Ganesh and the one that was actually made.
3. His advice of keeping the film at about 2 hours was not taken. Hell, they did not even cut the 12 minutes he absolutely hated after he saw the film for the first time.
4.Ganesh got pissed at him for interfering in his writing skills.
5.Ganesh started acting like a Director.
6.He wanted veteran actor Prem Chopra’s character to be treated with more respect. (Govinda, the MP is back!!)
7.Ganesh stopped talking to him half way through the movie.
8.The movie did not look innocent enough.( Look who is watching too much POGO!!)
9.He did not like the spoofs on Ekta Kapoor and Vijay Mallya as he hates making fun of ACHIEVERS!! ( He’s surely getting a Congress ticket this year !!)
Koenas Korrection
So Koena’s finally come clean about going under the knife! Another one bites the dust huh?
When will celebrities learn that it’s better to age gracefully than stick your thigh to your face? I mean, come on! You’re already a celebrity so what do you need to change anything for? You’re making a hell of a living just the way you are aren’t you?
Koena Mitra spilled the beans about her failed surgery and how she didn’t inform mommy before going in for it. She claims that after the surgery, the cartilage in her nose was swollen and a scar began to emerge soon after. So what did Koena do, just like all other disobedient children? She went running to her mommy, of course! And I bet her mommy just said, ‘ I told you so”.
Her boney face looked swollen and her nose was the only thing standing out like a big red tamatar. Imagine the heartache and trauma she must have suffered, the pain of looking into the mirror everyday, friends telling you you’re ugly- Some would be suicidal with all that mental strain. I tell you, sometimes life is just not fair. Tsk, tsk.
Anyway! Eventually, she had to get another corrective surgery done and turns out she’s back to her ’stunning’ self again.
There’s two things wrong with this scenario:
1. She took advice from the spot boys saying, ” Madam madam, operation karo na! Aaj Kal Sab Karte hain“
2. She’s spent a whole lot of money, time and torture to go back to exactly where she started from - being FUGLY!
Tanushrees washout
So much for the hoo haa that Tanushree Dutta made on the sets of Horn OK Please!
See, that’s what you get when you’re a stupid girl who loves to create a lot of drama about nothing. What did she get eventually? No, money, no movie, a grand embarrassment and the horror of being replaced by Rakhi Sawant.
Boy, that’s gotta suck! And the best part is that she filed the complaint with CINTAA herself.
What does a spoilt daddy’s-little-girl do when things don’t go her way? Tears, tantrums and stories about how the big bully broke her toy (or in this case, her car).
Fortunately for the falsely accused and unfortunately for Tanushree, her bluff was caught and no one could care less about Tanushrees washout the scratches on her car and so she turned to the press making comments like “If the producer and director wanted their lead actor to have ‘fun’ they should’ve called Rakhi from day one.”
Whats worse, Rakhi handled it like such an adult! “I don’t want to give it any importance. I wish her well, and would rather talk about my work.”
Way to go Tannu! You’ve just out-did Rakhi in the ‘make-an-ass-of-yourself’ contest! In the end, Tanushree got what she deserved and everyone was happy.
This should be a lesson to all women in the industry like Celina Jaitley and Tanushree Dutta-you’re NOT as hot as your mamma says you are so stop presuming that you can get away with murder!
The big fight for Sridevi
The fight is on to see who will win the chance to relaunch Sridevi.
First in the ring, weighing in at god even knows how many pounds is the big daddy Yash Raj Chopra himself. Now we all know that Yash Chopra seldom makes a film, (his last being Veer Zaara) but when he does, you can bet that it will be a horribly long weepy love story. His tag-team partner is none other than Mr. Amitabh Bachchan himself. Bachchan was very keen on starring in a movie with Sridevi. And we all know what the offer is now days, buy one film star and get one politician free. In this case it’s the saudaagar Amar Singh.
So that was on one side. Out to fight against this giant group is the lone ranger Boney Kapoor. He however holds the ace card in his hand… Sridevi is his wife. So the two sides continue to battle it out as to who makes the film that will launch the biggest star of one time.
I just wonder, why don’t we do something different?. Now this might come as a shocker to all you men out there…but why not ask Sridevi herself what she wants to do??
Dost dost na raha…
The friendship between Govinda and his choreographer turned director friend, Ganesh Acharya could not survive the latter’s directorial venture “Money Hai to Honey Hai“.Govinda in an interview after the movie has given a choreographed account of what went wrong. Here are 9 reasons why they are not friends anymore,
1. Akshay Kumar, who was supposed to be making a Guest Appearance in one of the songs from the movie was replaced by ( i can’t F***ing believe this!!) Ganesh Acharya himself.
2. There was a major difference between the script that was narrated to him by Ganesh and the one that was actually made.
3. His advice of keeping the film at about 2 hours was not taken. Hell, they did not even cut the 12 minutes he absolutely hated after he saw the film for the first time.
4.Ganesh got pissed at him for interfering in his writing skills.
5.Ganesh started acting like a Director.
6.He wanted veteran actor Prem Chopra’s character to be treated with more respect. (Govinda, the MP is back!!)
7.Ganesh stopped talking to him half way through the movie.
8.The movie did not look innocent enough.( Look who is watching too much POGO!!)
9.He did not like the spoofs on Ekta Kapoor and Vijay Mallya as he hates making fun of ACHIEVERS!! ( He’s surely getting a Congress ticket this year !!)
Priyanka gets smart!
Priyanka Chopra’s slowly beginning to learn from the endless list of mistakes that came together to form Love Story 2050. She’s learned not to release movies on the same date, especially when the other one is sure to eat your movie whole. So, after a month of intensive finger-puppet therapy to ease her mind, Priyanka has finally approached UTV’s Ram Mirchandani and asked for the release date of Madhur Bhandarkar’s latest tragedy, Fashion to be changed so that it doesn’t clash with her other movie, Tarun Mansukhani’s latest attempt, Dostana.The zombies at UTV thought it was a great idea and totally high-fived on it. Priyanka, who attained diplomatic samadhi at the press conferences of Love Story claims that both her films will do well, even though they are releasing pretty close to each other. Right. Madhur and Tarun, a combination that has most of us contemplating death by drowning are going to deliver some stellar stuff I’m sure.
Well, things can only go up from here for Priyanka; I doubt any of these will be as bad as Love Story. The fact that Harman Baweja isn’t cast in either is in itself a sort of redemption. I’ve seen people on their knees in the rain sobbing and chanting the Gayatri Mantra aloud after Jaane Tu and Contract just for this very special feature in both movies. The future looks hopeful again, no matter how bleak it is.
The Bhatt of all jokes...
I always believed that some things are too retarded to be true; that things like boogie monsters, vampires and Karan Johar are all figments of our collective imagination created to serve some unholy purpose like keeping our curiosity in check. And yet everyday, I come across at least one moron who depends on this sort of bulls**t to make a living. The man in question today is one who comes out of the darkness of his own mind every couple of months with his latest three-headed love-child of a movie. Vikram Bhatt.
His latest mess is a movie called 1920, set in….yes, you guessed it…1920. It’s plot, which is probably the only real ghost in the movie, revolves around an abandoned house which is cursed. Slow down there champ. The power of your imagination might just burst a nerve in your brain. It’s really doing overtime these days huh? And of course, now is the time for the love-struck couple to enter and test the curse once again. They want to tear down the place and build a hotel but the house has other ideas. It wants to open an all night pool parlour.
And so, this wonderful new path in movie making winds on and on as evil battles with love over and over again until one of the two finally has enough and gives in. With a music score by Adnan Sami and lyrics by Sameer, it promises to be a three-hour death-ride that only a**holes like the director will sit through and applaud.
Wrong connection!!!
Ok, so this is getting a little out of hand. I open up the entertainment papers today and there is this one headline that catches my eye. It reads “Imran Khan’s Bong connection”. So now I’m thinking that this is some juicy gossip where the young star has been photographed with a bong in hand dressed like Austin Powers at some crazy 70’s themed party.
You can only imagine how pissed I was when I figured it was about his Bengali blood. This entire article deals with how even though Imran Khan’s dads last name is “Pal”, he stuck with ”Khan” because he feels closer to his mother or some such…. Who cares?? Besides I’m sure this whole “Khan” deal is something a lot less heart warming, like I don’t know maybe… because that’s his uncles last name, and that “Khan” is like your golden ticket to make it big in the film industry. Whatever be the reason am I the only person who thinks this guy is getting way too much attention!!! Good God he did one film where he played a teenage boy (which he is, so I’m sure that’s not too hard). It’s not like he added a dynamic dimension to a tragic hero out of medieval times.
Ui Ma,Aila! Andaaz Part 2?!!
Comedy lovers rejoice…the piece of news I’m gonna relate to you will have you jumping out of your seats and jumping around like you’re stark raving mad!!! The buzz on the grapevine is that Aamir Khan is in intense talks with director Rajkumar Santoshi. The two plan to make a sequel their 1994 cult classic Andaaz Apna Apna.
The recently reconciled buddies, Aamir and Salman will reprise their roles of Amar and Prem. In fact, it seems to be at a recent party ( No, not Katrina’s) where Sallu’s dad and writer Salim Khan suggested that the two superstars should share screen space again. This got the ball rolling… and Aamir called up good friend Santoshi.
Santoshi too is in the news recently because the mob is harassing him. Unfazed by these attempts, the director has already started scripting out the movie. He says it might or might not be a sequel…
Lets hope they wont cast Raveena and Karishma again. Face it, they’re both old and washed out!
Vivek Oberoi Comes Clean
Vivek Oberoi, super-freak and two midgets standing on top of each other has made peace with all the people he’s pissed off over the years and decided to get back into the Bollywood game. He admits that he had lost his focus in the middle and made a lot of mistakes both personally and professionally. The professional mistakes list goes on endlessly but on the personal front, his spat with Salman Khan took centre stage. Vivek did his bit to ask for forgiveness but Sallu, being the temperamental bad-boy that he is, hasn’t returned the gesture.
Another great waste of newspaper was his relationship with model, actress and something that if you stare at long enough becomes a spaceship, Aishwariya Rai. Their equation is still in question as the two haven’t had the chance to kiss and make up. He did meet the Bachchan senior though who decided to stay out of this one and complimented Vivek on his performance at the awards function in Bangkok. Yes, lip-syncing and dancing with a troupe required him to dig deep into that reservoir of untapped potential which most actors only dream of ever uncovering.
As for his love life, his last relationship ended as B-town ones always do, with a fingerprint analysis, an enigmatic ransom note style love confession and a hooded man following her around until the restraining order came through.
Unfashionable!!!
Kat’s Out Of The Bag
Salman on the other hand, is exercising what’s left of his severely damaged brain on writing his blog, which for once talks about something besides hangover remedies, cheesy bikers diary entries about stopping by a Lonavala hillside and feeling very philosophical about the world or why his dad is stronger than everyone else’s dad. In this highly entertaining blog, he compares reporters to dogs running behind his car and claims to have no time to react to them. Yes, he has such a busy schedule doesn’t he. From waking up to drinking a rum and coke for the nausea to calling Aiswariya from random PCO’s and cutting to hitting the gym to camping outside Mannat undercover to writing his stupid blog and finally, to putting on O O Jaane Jaana and freak-dancing in front of the mirror to convince himself that he’s still got it. So much to do, so little time to do it in. Hats off Sallu, you deserve a break.
It’s finally happened; Salman and Katrina are no longer B-town’s most celebrated mismatch. Sallu’s spat with Shah Rukh at her party seems to have done just enough for Kat to call it off. Who’s surprised? Not me; I’m shocked that it carried on for as long as it did. They have absolutely nothing in common. She’s half his age, has all her hair and doesn’t think stories about Aishwariya Rai count as bedroom talk. Kat’s also decided to shelf any upcoming movies with Salman and stick to acting across actors her own age. Man, that’s got to sting.
Istaanbul Reviewed
I must admit, I had some pre conceived notions before watching the movie: I expected it to be horrid! I was more or less right I gotta say. The action flick tells us the tale of Vikas Sagar (Zayed Khan), a workaholic television reporter who’s just split from his wife Anjali (Shriya Saran), Enter Rizwan (Vivek Oberoi) a Turkish commando, who reveals to Vikas an evil plot to take over the world (or something to that effect). Our ‘ Jai and Veeru’ then fight what seems to be half the population of Istanbul to save the world. Somewhere in the midst there’s a hilariously funny George Bush look alike. If anything saves the movie it’s him. All in all it’s an attempt at an action thriller. Not a good attempt but an attempt all the same. For Bollywood, where action lovers have been left with nowhere to turn in the midst of all the candy floss and mush, even this seems like a great effort. It’s really not though! Oh and there’s a sneak peek into CKkompany in the midst of the movie…watch out for that
Apoorva Lakhia is back!! After a mildly successful attempt at the underworld genre with Shootout at Lokhandwala ( Ae Ganpat, Chal; daaru la!), the director skps to Istaanbul from Lokhandwala to tackle terrorism.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Shahid’s here to stay!!!
Shahid Kapur recently added another one to the list. He claims that what critics say about his films does not mean anything to him because he simply does not make films for them, he acts for the audiences (conveniently forgetting that most of the audience too though Kismat Konnection sucked!!) Papers talk of Kismat Konnection being his hat-trick, which leaves me a little confused. Hat-trick of what?? Flops!!?! I really don’t think their are too many people out there who would consider Jab We Met as a super hit and God only knows what his first one was called. Kapur also talks about how he is here to stay and is planning on doing movies for the next 20 years to come. Brace yourselves people we are in for a very very very long 20 years!!!
Arm candy for now and forever
Only problem with that statement is that she was, is and will at all points of time remain arm candy for men. If you ask me I think Neha Dhupia should be very glad that Bollywood has given her the opportunity to make money out of the one a and only thing that she can do, that being, looking good (again “good” here being very subjective). Can you image the day when talent becomes the only criteria for making it big in the film world!!! In her interview she also talks about women getting more “meatier” roles than before. If by meatier she mean that women are being portrayed as pieces of meat, then ya, I would agree with her. Well a piece of advise for Neha, if you truly really want to break away from the “arm candy” label then dressing up in hot shorts and hosting the AXN action awards, really does not help.
In a recent interview Neha Dhupia has claimed that now is the prefect time of any girl to join the film industry because now-a-days actresses are being given considerable screen time. Also she says that women are no longer just “arm candy” for male actors and that she too did at one point of time start of as being arm candy but no longer is.
Shilpa throws Raj a housewarming party
Imraan Phobia
K-need I Say More?
But let’s get back to the story at hand, I can understand the Yashraj bit, but which genius cast SRK in an action role? Lets have a look at his resume shall we, what action cuts has he pulled off in his career…..lets see…..dancing atop a stationary train……running…..sitting on a stationary horse…..running in a costume……and finally, the clincher…sitting three-on-a-seat for the bike scene in Swades. Wow!!, you’d better take it easy there wild child.
Adrenalin-junkie and amateur cartwheel hero, Shah Rukh Khan recently tested his endurance levels by completing two shoots with a swollen knee. One was a dance sequence for Yashraj’s Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and the other was an action cut for Billoo Barber. He claims to have hurt his knee while playing football in London but I’m sure the actual the real reason is far more tame, like while running the hell away from Sallu and opening his car door on himself or while fox-trotting with Karan Johar to his 42 greatest love songs collection in the music room at Mannat.
Sallu’s back in court
He’s cast none other than actor, politician and Latin pop sensation, Govinda, as the lead. But the ball doesn’t stop there; no Ravi Chopra movie’s complete without a guest appearance from Mr. Congeniality himself, Sallu Bhai, who will be playing a lawyer in this one. Being a good friend of Ravi, Sallu gave him shooting dates straight away and did the role for free. But Ravi, who has nothing better to do with his time and money, ordered the latest Ducati bike for Sallu for being such a pal. So we can expect to see him tearing down Bandstand soon enough,wind and monsoon bugs ricocheting off his weaved hair. He’s already got black bucks and humans on his record; I wonder what he’s going to kill next. Given the recent events, SRK should keep his ears open for the hum of a sports bike engine and an out-of-tune solo vocal rendition of ‘Born To Be Wild’ gradually getting louder.
Don’t look now, but another Bollywood director has run out of ideas and magic mushrooms. Ravi Chopra, the man who brought us such unforgettable cinematic journeys of love, death and dementia like Baabul and Baghban has decided to make a B-town version of the court room comedy, My Cousin Vinny.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Vicious Oberon
Bollywood’s very own Chubaca, Vivek Oberoi, has been walking around with a price tag around his neck which is alot like one that could be found on a gold plated, diamond studded, ruby bordered, Louis Vuitton bag. Why Louis Vuitton? Because why would anyone pay 50,000 bucks for something that doesn’t even look appealing and when you can get it for 3,000 bucks at Dharavi. Vivek Oober-uptight had been hounding fellow ape Sunil Shetty who, incidentally, happened to be the producer of the movie Shootout At Lokhandwala, to give him a raise AFTER he agreed to do the film. Rumour has it that when refused, Vivek Oberoi fell on the floor kicking and screaming till someone finally got him a lollipop. Sure enough, Chubaca-want-more and Mission Istanbul was yet another indication of the overt animal tendencies that Vivek has trouble suppressing. When he found out that Zayed was getting paid more that him, Vivek threw a bitch-fit and refused to work under the pretext that he was getting a raw deal. This time though, he just sulked and refused to promote the movie. So Vivek Oberoi’s tantrums, Salman Khan’s superiorty complex and Shah Rukh Khan’s cheap shots- Is Bollywood employing over grown school boys or what?
Where’s modesty gone to these days?
Sajid ropes in Rocky…
Sajid Nadiawala is one happy camper nowadays. He’s pulled of the mother of all casting coups for his next release-Kambhakt Ishq, which has a stipulated December release date. Firstly, he’s got the current reinging superstars- Khiladi Kinng Akshay Kumar and Size Zero Queen Kareena Kapoor, as the leading characters. To top that he’s got the Terminator Arnold Schwarzegger and Rambo Sylvester Stallone to play cameo roles. And to top THAT, he’s reportedly roped in Beyonce to do an item number. Mmmm…Beyonce… Sajid and Akki are both huge fans of Sly’s Rocky and Rambo series. They were elated when Stallone landed on the film’s sets in Hollywood to give his shot. Unlike some of our B Town actors, the Hollywood star actually did some background research before coming to the sets. He read about Nadiawala’s earlier flicks and his close rapport with Akshay. Heck, he even delved into Kareena’s fitness regime!!! This proves that Sly is a brave man indeed…I mean after reading about the disaster that was Heyy Baby, he still showed up for the shoot…Brave indeed!!
Kambakht Ishq - Bebo and Sly
What made matters worse was the fact that Kareena had been acting like a schoolgirl after one too many Sprites around Sly throughout the shoot. Saif, in true middle-class housewife style gave Kareena an earful afterwards. Kareena responded by pleading innocent and claiming that the kiss was part of the script. She ended the argument by telling Saif not to come to her shoots if he can’t feel the love. In other news, Kareena’s been getting more unnecessary attention than usual. Singer Sean Kingston wants to write a song on her based on his earlier track Beautiful Girl. I wonder what Saif has to say about this. He’s going to be one unhappy girl-scout. But the couple eventually sorted out their differences after Kareena’s best friend and house-elf Amrita Arora intervened. They were seen at dinner whispering monosyllabic grunts to each other and throwing food at the other guests.
Looks like another B-town girl has been bitten by the insecurity bug. The paranoid femanoid in question this time is none other than Saif Ali Khan. He lost his cool on the sets of Sajid Nadiawalla’s Kambakht Ishq because girlfriend and eye-irritant, Kareena Kapoor gave Sylvester Stallone a kiss on the cheek. Awesome.
Angry Again - Salman Khan
This time, his steroid induced anger was directed towards some junior artists. There were around 300 of them there and so Salman had a field day pushing his weight around and P.M.S-ing all over the place. Now here’s the fun part; the reason why Sallu got so angry and sulked in his van for two hours is because a little bit of colour went into his eye while shooting a Ganpati visarjan sequence. And it burned like hell.
Salman Khan’s giving new meaning to the phrase ‘cranky little shit‘. His infamous temper disrupted the shooting of Prabhu Deva’s Wanted - Dead or Alive and stalled the proceedings for over two hours.
Why do directors put up with this girl? It’s just a little colour, grow some balls and get on with the scene. You’d expect someone who’s been around for as long as he has to be a professional, but no…not Sallu, he has to be in the thick of things and make the news somehow. God knows his acting isn’t going to get him there. So he throws these hissy fits from time to time, hoping some bimbo like Katrina will look at him and think to herself…”What a suffering artist he is”. He’s a f**king d**k. Period. Get over yourself Sallu, you really aren’t worth any one’s trouble.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Moo!-lica Sherawat
She plainly said that trademarking her name was her lawyers brainchild, and that she can’t really decipher the agenda behind it.Here I thought that this woman contained the lethal combination of beauty and brains; one who plotted her next move and that’s why she’s so successful now that I know everything is due to her entourage I want the job of the person who writes her speeches and outrageous comments cause I’m sure she doesn’t come up with them on her own. Plus it would be entertaining The only agenda apparently she does manage to grasp is that she is a vegetarian and well, guess what !!!… she has to brush her teeth!
Mallika Sherawat as it turns out is nothing more than Haryana cow association’s export to Bollywood.The bold and beautiful has confirmed that she herself is only at the receiving end of everything and hasn’t really made a professional decision since riding the tractors on her farm.
Kool Krap Films
Now this is something that I never quite understand, why do producers think that they can redeem a really really bad movie like Kya Kool Hai Hum with making a sequel. After three years without the combination of Riteish and Tusshar people nation wide might have to be subjected to them all over again.
Producer Ekta Kapoor was quoted saying that as the earlier movie was an “unpretentious sex comedy” (which actually means that it was a mindless, bunch of nonsense, which featured semi-naked women to pull in viewers), whereas the sequel will “tone down the vulgarity.” Now you know for a fact that a movie must be pretty nasty if the produced herself calls it “vulgar.” Anyway Ekta Kapoor is aiming at making a cult comedy series of the Kool film. First all the mind- numbing hours of saas-bhahu drama and now a whole bunch of these films…. Burn in he
Snubbed Out!!
Now I’m sure mix up like these happen all the time, but whats disgusting in this whole situation is the way Wizcraft has handled it. The Bachchans are on their world tour which is organised by WIzcraft. Now wizcraft knowing fully well that at the same time that they would be in Toronto Roger Federer would also be in town, still went and booked his suite. Instead of commenting on the mess up, Wizcraft seemed very smug at the fact that they had snubbed Federer out. What’s interesting to note is that on the other hand the tennis ace didn’t create a huge scene at all. Sigh, when will they ever learn!!!
Looks like now days even world sport stars can’t avoid clashing into the Bollywood band wagon. Recently world tennis champion Roger Federer lands up in Toronto only to find that his suite in the Hilton (which is named the Federer suite), is booked by Abhiskeh Bachchan and his portable wax statue wife, Aishwarya Rai.
Draamebaazi Ke Khiladi
I am a self confessed action junkie. I love shows full of helicopters, blazing cars and loads of creepy crawlies thrown in . So effectively that means I’d love the new show on Colors: ‘Fear factor Khatron ke Khiladi’, right? WRONG!!! By no stretch of imagination is the show bad. It has got the khildiyon ka khiladi, Akshay Kumar in it. Moreover it got a bunch of 13 hotties including Yana gupta, twin trouble Tupur and Tapur, supermodel Aditi Govitrikar, Pooja Bedi, Nethra Raghuraman, item girl Meghna Naidu, Chak De’s Vidya Malavade and the Something Something girl Urvashi Sharma. Each has a partner from the Armed forces. But then the element of fear is completely lost in this saga. There’s just a lot of tomfoolery on Akki’s part. In the show, he dresses too like a doggone idiot. So far they’ve done jumped off a helicopter, walked on a vertical glass surface and suffered spiders on the face. So far Sonali Kulkarni and Dippinita Sharma have got eliminated. Vidya Malavade has fallen sick, gotten better and fallen sick again in the span of 2 episodes. Full on dramabaazi I tell you! I prefer the videsi version of the show…it’s far more believable than this shit.
Harman-Hritik Bhai Bhai
Well Well Well, look what we have here. Harman Baweja, chocolate labrador and ball-fetcher extraordinaire has been accused of going through plastic surgery to get his jawline re-shaped to look like Hritik’s!! There’s no doubt in my mind that this is true, especially after the doctor in question has chosen to remain silent about the whole affair.
I remember Harman as a young boy, trying on mummy’s clothes and standing in front of the mirror for hours on end pretending to be Jaya Badhuri. Yes, the young apprentice had one hell of an identity crisis, one which lasted till his late teens. Then, one fine day, Harman discovered Hritik while choosing round-neck tees to cut at a local store. There was no turning back from there. He picked up the bad acting, the challenged facial expressions and most important of all, the dance-moves that have had us all running for our motion sickness bags.
We’ve always doubted Harman. Right from the word go. The resemblance is too much to be coincidental. When contacted, Harman wrote it off as a publicity stunt on the part of the doctor. I wonder who the world will believe, a well-known plastic surgeon or this one-movie old talentless Baweja child? Hmm….that’s a toughie.
Finding Neverland - Shilpa’s search for stardom
Ambition is a funny thing. In Shilpa’s case, it’s as good as a burst appendix. I don’t know what makes her think she’s an “A-list star in the UK“, right up there with such life-altering, ground-breaking, knee-hugging, fancy-dressing show-ponies like Sunny Deol and Raj Kunder. Totally A-list. To make this whole master-stroke of bad-judgement and media-whoring worse than it already is, Shilpa’s signed Sunny’s The Man and decided to start her own production house. I’d give her a standing ovation if she can produce estrogen, let alone movies. And as for The Man; she believes in the script and that’s the only reason she’s signed onto it. Yes, she believes in being one of the million sisters that every woman in a Sunny Deol movie is to him and loves the overdose of patriotism that reeks from it. I hope she believes in God too. Movie’s scrips can’t stop a .45 Magnum.
Shilpa Shetty has no respect for awards. That’s right. The one-night wonder of an actress, who got lucky with Big Brother now claims to be above such lowly affairs like awards and staying in the B-town game. She claims to have won so many, that they don’t really matter. Even though I can’t remember even one instance when Shilpa’s been nominated for anything from an award to a spot on Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, I’m sure it’s raining Oscars and bachelors in her wonderland.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Shruti gets ‘Lucky’
So…what’s the big deal you ask? Well this is Bollywood and here people can get you places. Shruti Hassan who is a budding singer and wannabe actress had bagged a role in a big Tamil flick. That project unfortunately got canned due to ‘production difficulties’. So her dear friend Imraan put a good word in for Shruti to director Soham Shah, who was looking for a female lead. Soham liked Shruti at first sight, her athletic build fit the character’s bill to the T. So now, look forward for Luck in 2009…Shruti Ha
Few people know that Imraan the new Khan on the block and Shruti, Kamal Hassan’s big li’l girl are very close childhood buddies. The mothers of the two are apparently very close and they lived together as kids. After Sarika and Kamal split, Shruti and her sister lived at Imraan’s mother Nuzhat’s house.
The real King Khan
If you haven’t already heard, TZP sold its rights to Walt Disney as the official distributor of the home video in the USA. That is huge! The first Indian movie to sell it’s right to Disney and of course, the entire Aamir Khan Productions team is psyched about the bomber of a deal they managed to snag. We’ve always known Aamir to come up with something new and surprise us but this movie took the cake. After RDB, this movie spread the most amount of awareness and inspired masses of Indians to step up. The best part of it all was that the movie was just the right amount of commercial, educational and arty. It was a perfect brew and could not have been executed better. The reason I’ll maintain that Aamir is a really cool guy, apart from the reasons mentioned above, is that apart from being a great actor and a brilliant producer, the man’s got ideals (Narmada Bachao). Controversial as he my be, he doesn’t give a s*** about what the media makes him out to be. Anyway, Aamir got what he deserves (and what he deserves amounted to approximately 4 crore!)
Here’s more proof to substantiate my stand that Aamir Khan is the true King Khan in the industry.
What’s your Rashi?
Aw - Priyanka loves being bold with her choice in scripts doesn’t she? Unfortunately, she can’t erase that horrible, nightmarish truth that she turned a mass of Indians into vegetables by luring them via minimal clothing and a fiery hair-do to watch the movie. Given that, she should most definately avoid doing other disastrous movies as a pacifier for her ‘boo’. No matter what people say, Harman is no Hrihtik and will never be a Hrithik and so if Priyanka knows what’s good for her, she should lift anchors and make a move on it before he takes her down with him! Not even Priyanka’s popularity is enough to give the good-for-nothing other Baweja a foothold in the industry if he introduces himself as Hunk,Adonis,Romantic,Macho,Adorable and Naughty.
Priyanka ‘new-bimbo-on-the-block’ Chopra’s bagged herself a new and ‘interesting’ role in Ashutosh Gowarikar’s What’s Your Rashi? under the pretext that it’s a “very different film” and no actress has ever done a role like this before.
Let’s just pretend for one second that she didn’t do an ‘innovative’ script called Love Story 2050 which fell so flat its was almost concave. In that case, I guess she could be experimental with choosing scripts.
Mallika Sherawat chup kab baithegi?!
She would have gratefully accepted the outrageous bimbo crown if Rakhi Sawant hadn’t come along and stolen it. Post WELCOME, Miss Sherawat can choose not to go for Dus ka Dam because of her prob with Salman(who doesn’t) or turn up late for a prmotional event for UGLY aur PAGLI where Ranvir Shorey got bored and left. Ms.boobs and the press (pun unintended) have always chased each other, either it was about her age, or it was a myth of a role, or ‘Rahul Bose is the Best kisser‘ then right after that ‘Men talk to my boobs’ (you know Rahul is a short man). But the asseted lady may have matured or run out of stupid ideas. Either ways it’s one useless news less.
Mallika Sherawat finally refuses to talk. Not that we were staring
into her mouth waiting for the next quote post ‘Men talk to my boobs’gimmick. Maybe they do, because her boobs don’t talk back.
Koena Mitra turns British
Why you ask? Simple… Not only will it star the unbearably annoying Koena Mitra but also because she will be talking in a British accent. Ms. Mitra has claimed that she has learnt four different types of British dialects for this role. Now correct me if I’m wrong but shouldn’t she first learn how to speak English. I wouldn’t mind listen to her try pulling of a Brit accent for maybe 15minutes for a good laugh, provided also that there was vast quantities of alcohol involved, but a whole feature film of her speaking like this, I would most likely shoot myself. And that’s not where it stops, Koena Mitra has also started taking pot-shots at Kareena Kapoor by making statements like “Unfortunately Bollywood goes ga-ga over thin not fit bodies.” I don’t know how true a statement like that is but I do know for a fact that unfortunately Bollywood goes ga-ga over idiots not talented actors, how else would you explain Mitra’s success.
You know how sometimes you just read the name of a Bollywood film that’s about to be released and you have a pretty good hunch that that movie will be a flop, well something like that happened with me when I heard the name of Koena Mitra’s up coming film ‘Karna‘. Only I am convinced that this film WILL defiantly be a mega, super, off the hookishly bad flop.
Stuntman Singh
Akshay Kumar’s in the news for performing yet another stunt that Hollywood pulled off ten million light years ago in a galaxy far far away. Pichli baar shark attack se bal bal bache, but this time, he managed to complete the stunt without injuring himself in the process. It involved him riding a jet-ski off a ramp and through a stationary helicopter, in a James Bond style sequence for Singh Is Kinng.
The stunt is said to be the most expensive one in the history of Indian cinema, overshadowing such mothers of all action movies that Bollywood regularly dishes out like Kuch Kuch Hota Hain and Kismat Konnection. So it looks like Akshay is making the most of his limited talents and sticking to cheesy action flicks in which all he has to do is jump around like a rabid monkey.
Word on the street is that Danny Baldwin(The Last Samurai) has been hired to direct the action sequences for the movie. Maybe that’s why nothing went wrong this time. If it were up to our taporis, Akshay would be floating out into sea while the cast and crew played bagpipes and thought up their alibis.
Beware Balan
John and Vidya had been linked up during the shooting of Salaam-E-Ishq when his relationship with Bipasha seemed to be on the verge of ending. But all that went down the crapper soon enough. At some point John decided that Bips was the right hell-spawn for him and got back with her. Shahid on the other hand was very close to Vidya before Sania fore-handed his ass back to him and demanded that he shoot the breeze with her and her alone. Henpecked little pansies that they are, both John and Shahid, have pretty much broken off ties with Vidya,who’s been getting the short end of the stick all along.
It’s raining insecure blood-sucking, ‘I stay awake to watch you sleep’ women in Bollywood. Bipasha Basu and Sania Mirza have made it very clear to their respective host bodies John Abraham and Shahid Kapoor to stay the hell away from actress and break-dance demon Vidya Balan.
Instead of spending so much time in the gym, I’d advise these two finger puppets to work a little harder on growing a spine. As for Bipasha and Sania, I don’t think their female death-grip is going to loosen any time soon. The two couples might as well get hitched and grow fat and resentful together.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Saif and Bebo’s Physi(q)cs
As if looking any hotter, is going to help you distinguish a good script from a crappy one Saif!! Try working out your brains a little, by spending some ‘quality’ time away, from your skinny bitch of a girlfriend who we all know looked much more appealing in movies like ‘Jab we met’ while she still had a little meat on her bones, with her ex boyfriend Shahid!! Hahaha. While we all do appreciate ‘failure shaking you up’ we hope it will help you wake up from your smitten status so that you stop following your girlfriend around the world and start following your own instincts (that’s if you have any) in choosing more ‘genuinely entertaining’ movies. Not to mention, that chocolate boy, Shahid is still managing to wow the audience with his performances, without having half the physique that you do!! Watch out Saif, the old saying is ‘what goes around comes around’ not ‘follow your girlfriend around, before her ex, comes around’!! Best of luck!!
So, our very own Mr. Pyaar and Magic (thoda only) is finally starting to talk openly of the complex, Bebo’s so called ‘hot’ stick thin body is giving him. Apparently, he has attributed his past two box office failures i.e. ‘Tashan’ and ‘Thoda Pyaar thoda Magic’ to his rubbish physique!! And therefore has decided to follow the lead of Lady love Kareena, by going to the gym and working out harder, so that his films will be (ahem) more successful!!
Maan gaye Mallika!
Maan gaye Mughal-e-Azam is a more demure serious spoof type movie starring both Mallika and her good ol’ pal Rahul Bose. Now for this movie promotional event the lady was prettily dressed and didn’t try any dancing with only a Ed Hardy ganji and velvet boots nor did she try to fake slit anyones throat. She just took orders and stood there amongst the rest of the cast and crew. Guess the Ugly aur Pagli promos are more fun. Mallika gets to be herself and the rest of us get to enjoy.
Mallika Sherawat really is an endangered species. She hibernates for most of the year but then when it’s time for her movie releases………..she comes back with a bang!!!It’s been a long, hot drab summer but now Mallika’s back. With two movie releases coming up the girl really is everywhere. For Ugly aur Pagli promotional events she humored funnyman Ranvir Shorey by pretending to slit his throat and even wore the red horns. Little Devil. Hopefully future fiancee Konkana wasn’t watching this sudden rush of affection to her usually ignored Ranvir.
Vivek aborts mission!
Everyone is 99% sure that Apoorva Lakhia’s Mission Istaanbul is on the highway of being a super dud. In fact, we here at Desimad HQ refer to the flick lovingly as ‘Mission Istaanbullshit’. Heck even the ’stars’ of the movie have no respect for it. That’s why Vivek Oberoi decided to give the press meet a miss. Producer Sunil Shetty and director Apoorva Lakhia are furious with the bugger. It seems they fixed the date of the meet according to Vivek’s whim and still he didn’t turn up. The controversy boy didn’t even bother to ring up either of the two personally. Apoorva Lakhia is supposed to have burst out, “The lesser said about Vivek the better!” On Vivek’s part it seems like revenge- It’s well known that Zayed Khan and the director are very close buddies. So, Vivek suspects that his role in the movie has been chopped down to enhance Zayed’s. So the self declared ’star’ is trying to sabotage his own movie. The only reason the press meet wasn’t a total flop were the leading ladies- Southern siren Shriya Saran and Gladrags megamodel Shweta Bharadwaj. They sent the fire alarms ringing with their super hotness. And with Vivek absent Zayed had jolly good time hitting on and feeling up Shriya.(See pics)
A very special screening
It seems that over the weekend, pretty boy Shahid Kapur organized a special screening of his new release, Kismat Konnection, for close friends and family. Present in the audience at Adlabs were dad Pankaj Kapur with his wife Supriya, Ramesh Taurani, choreographer Ahmed Khan and Shahid’s manager. The special guest of the evening was Sania Mirza. So, now there’s no denying that something’s cooking between the two. Apparently dad Pankaj ‘approves’ of Sania. Yeah right, you think your sonny boy really would give two hoots if his old man disapproved? Dream on! Shahid even went out of his way to drop Sania to the airport, she had to rush to an upcoming tennis tournament. The question that has been puzzling my brain is this. If you take a chick for a movie that is oh so godawfully horrible like ‘Kismet Connection’ wouldn’t she drop you like a hot potato. Is it worse if you star in it? Food for thought…
Hrithik a dancer turned singer
Hrithik is already trained in Urdu diction(Jodhaa Akbar) and vampire slaying(Simi Garewal show) and is now going through voice modulation training. Since he doesn’t have any movies or Dance Dance Revolution levels to pass, he has enough time to work on his singing. He is currently in Mexico, going through the ropes with music director and uncle Rajesh Roshan.
Hrithik Roshan, actor, dancer and Harman Baweja’s toilet trainer has decided to experiment a little and sing a song in his next movie, Kites. Kaho Na Pyaar Hain and Koi Mil Gaya established the fact that the circles marked off for midnight dance-offs in south Mumbai clubs was the ideal place to pick the next generation of B-town actors. And now, after Govinda and Sanjay Dutt took a shot at playback singing, everyone wants a piece of the pie. I think the only time we’ve heard Hrithik sing is on the Simi Garewal show. That would qualify at best as bathroom singing. As if Bollywood doesn’t have enough of those. But as things stand, we are about to witness yet another one making his way into the studios.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Homeless!
1. To practice their hair-raising dance routines. Whatever the reason, I’m sure nothing can justify their need to purchase this flat. Their current residence at Cage 15 at Apollo Circus seems fine.
Surprise surprise, Kashmeera Shah and Krushna Abhisek were denied their right to buy an apartment at Duplex Heights. I really can’t blame the builder. Why would anyone who isn’t a trained zoo-keeper allow them to buy a house in a respectable neighbourhood? And why the hell are do they even want to buy a 4BHK flat? We’ve pondered over this for a while now and have come up with some of the hideous possibilities.
2. To raise their cubs.
3. To lock Kashmeera in one of the rooms on full moon nights.
4. To build a mini-theatre and force unsuspecting guests to watch Nach Baliye re-runs.
5. To build a mega-storage room for Kashmeera’s make-up.
6. To convert one of the rooms into the plastic surgeons’ quarters.
It’s raining BMW’s in Bollywood!!
Unlike most of us whose wallets have been dented due to the inflation, Bollywood it seems is rolling in the moolah. Why else would all the filmy folk be on a buying spree: be it houses or cars. We told you recently about Konkona Sen Sharma buying a 4 bedroom flat for beau Ranvir Shorey and herself. Now we hear she’s spending a bomb furnishing and decorating it. Piggy Chops too was gifted this car by her father. This time round though it wasn’t to celebrate her last movie. (Love Story 2050 can hardly be termed a success, no?) It was Priyanka’s birthday and she’d been planning to buy a new car for ages now. So her daddy dearest surprised her with a brand new white shiny BMW. Awww…how sweet!
BMW must be doing some serious business in Btown. Just last week two budding stars were gifted the costly car. Mamujaan Aamir bought one for nephew Imraan. It’s a well known fact among Imraan’s close friends that he has a crazy passion for fast cars. That’s why Aamir chose to buy him a BMW to celebrate his launch and the success of Jaane Tu….
Mallika forgot her pants!!!
Last night at Poison the makers of Ugly aur Pagli decided to host a promotional event. Now at most promotional events more emphasis is given to the movie being promoted. But not in the case of Ugly aur Pagli. First of all I’m not even sure the cast/director/producer showed up cause all attention was on Mallika Sherawat who obviously walked out out of her house in a rush and thus in the process forgot to put on her pants. Ranvir Shorey was lurking around somewhere,Raveena Tandon also made an appearance so I’m guessing she’s in this movie and Hard Kaur looked extremely docile (for once).I’m guessing she performed at this event otherwise Mallika really is stupid if she was dancing like a retard to no music without pants. Getting back to this without pants business Ed Hardy seems to be the latest favorite celebrity brand. But some of the salespeople really should have told her that what they sold her was a vest and not a dress. Since all we all know Ed Hardy only makes ancient looking t-shirts and ganjis. And there too Ms.Mallika no one in their right ming would wear a vest with nude stockings and………wait for it……maroon velvet boots. Please find yourself a new stylist or you really are going to be known as ugly aur pagli.
The Big Fight
At some point, Shah Rukh started teasing Salman and in the process mentioned something about his love-’you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry’ relationship with Ash. Being the temperamental guy that he is, Salman got pissed and it all ended in SRK and Gauri Khan leaving the party in a huff. They didn’t even wait to take the return gift - ‘Playing the Misunderstood, Sensitive Artist for Dummies’ handbook which Salman was overstocked with. This is where Aamir Khan stepped in and displayed his newly acquired avatar of diplomat press-lover by sitting Salman down and explaining to him that this is Katrina’s party and not happy hours at Midnight Queen. Aamir then took him to SRK’s house where they made peace, put on Yeh Dosti and vowed never to let chicks spoil their good time.
Katrina Kaif’s party proved to be the perfect night for all the B-town bandars to make an appearance. But as expected, a club full of primates could not sustain a whole night without incident. The three Khan’s, SRK, Aamir and controversy’s child, Salman Khan were in the thick of things this time.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Fashion Disaster…
Recently at the press release of the film, Ranaut landed up in her own home made creation which was a sick mixture of big bird yellow and baby puke light yellow. To make matters worse she added a little bit of red, making her look like a tacky 2 kaudi ka mascot for Mac Donald’s. And just when you thought it could not get any worse she forgets to use deodorant and ends up with another shade of yellow - armpit-sweat-stain-yellow!!! Meanwhile co-star Priyanka Chopra looked demure and borderline boring in a simple tube dress. If this is any indication of what the movie has in store for us…. I think I’ll give this one a miss. 
Madhur Bhandarkar’s latest film is titled “Fashion” and switches the spotlight on the fashion industry. He has roped in many famous names and also tried to get as much designer wear for his actors\models as possible. The sad part though is that all these efforts on his part have pretty much ended up in one big gutter thanks to the one and only Kangana Ranaut.
A dark night with the celebs…
The A-listers included Imran Khan and his girlfriend, Kabir Bedi and daughter Pooja, Deepika Padukone (who was one who held up the show), V.J. Ranvir and also Nauheed Cyrusi who was the only one without this superstar air about her. Anyway so after about an hour and a half of waiting, they finally started the movie and believe me when I say it totally made up for all the bulls**t that was taking place outside. Director Christopher Nolan has out done himself once again. He has taken the unreal situation of the Batman Comics and put them in such a believable environment. Once again he has reinvented Batman and taken him to that level that other directors only dreamed of reaching. However by far the star of the night was Heath Ledger, who will have fans upset all over again as this movie is a huge reminder of the kind of talent the man had. The twisted Joker was one of the greatest villains I have ever seen on the big screen!! So Heath wherever you are, you can rest in peace because you KICKED ASS in this movie.
So last night was one of the few nights that I was given a chance to rub shoulders with so called ‘celebrities’ in our city. It was at the premiere of the new Batman movie The Dark Knight. The invitation said 9:45, that’s when guest where ask to arrive where they would be served cocktails followed by the screening of the movie at 10:15. Now bear in mind that this is the first time I am going for one of these event so therefore I landed up on time. Little did I know that our dear “stars” (the air quotes are important) with all their designer watches still can’t tell time. Well you really can’t blame them now can you, they can’t star in third grade films and be on time!!! That’s just way to much for their brains to manage.
‘Khan’ we have a good time?
We hear that Sallu proposed to Kats before the party, and apparently she laughed it off without giving an answer. Do we see a repeat of the Ash episode here for the poor Khan? Some of the younger and ‘ahem’ happier couples around were Deepika and Ranvir, and Anusha Dandekar made an appearance with ‘good friend’ Ranvijay of MTV Splitsvilla who we are sure was more than happy to be seen with her than any of the infamous girls who are usually in the ‘dumping zone’ on the show! Not to mention the drab clothes worn by the birthday couple. One wonders if they were really planning to have a party or whether they had just got out of bed! Haha. It seems practically the entire film fraternity, was witness to this zoo of a celebration which could have probably turned out to be a bigger occasion had sallu managed to get the Kat in the bag!! Anyhow, one good thing that came out of it all is that the three Khans- Shah Rukh, Salman and Aamir, got together somewhere in the midst of it all and decided to make a movie with the three of them in it. 
Ok so what’s with the glum face on your birthday Kat? We wonder why the pretty lady looked like she was NOT having a good time. Was it the same reason why Salman looked like his usual angry self? Maybe it was the action that took place before the party.;)
:)…we’re so eagerly waiting man!!!
Mallika’s big…tantrums
Mission Istan-bullshit
Take a minute to picture this shocking waste of tape. And now add the line..“Khul ja, Congress ko vote doonga”. This is the line which has been removed for obvious reasons. But forget that, lets just get back to this phenomenal scene….Since when did celebrity journalists learn how to decimate terrorists, chop their hands off and break into the their headquarters, which for some inexplicable reason are complete with fingerprint detectors but without the really hi-tech stuff like video surveillance and alarm systems? No no, that’ s asking for waaay too much. Who’s the prized moron who writes the script for these three-hour journeys into the depths of adult stupidity? I’m sure he’s the type who thinks Die Hard and Commando were the best films ever, sits by his window with a pellet-less airgun and pretends to shoot every person below 20 who passes by outside and rents Sleepless in Seattle every time he wants to show a girl his sensitive side. Whoever he is, I don’t think he has too long to live if he continues writing like this.
Apoorva Lakhia’s Mission Istanbul has run into some trouble with the censor board over a line that Zayed Khan delivers in the movie. Zayed plays an officer in the anti-terrorist squad who breaks into the terrorist headquarters and uses the lopped off hand of a dead terrorist to pass through the fingerprint check.